B L I S S

2010-05-17T19:31:00.001+08:00

Dear Comprehension examiners in general: just because you have the power to give or take away marks as you like does NOT mean it is right to deduct marks just because you feel like it. As markers your job is to judge whether the student comprehends the passage or not, instead of finding, to your best ability, all the tiny mistakes for the sole purpose of deducting marks.

Yes, I understand your obsession with details, which is much alike to
that of one with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but that does NOT mean that you GIVE ME A 0 when the lack of the details you seek DO NOT IN ANY WAY AFFECT THE MEANING OF THE ANSWER.Your rigidity and inflexibility is reprehensible. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?!

annoying

2010-04-13T22:15:00.002+08:00

hey! hey apple!
hey! hey toe-may-toe!
hey! oh you mean "plumpkin"?
hey!
WAZZUP!

random post, though not so random, because the annoying orange's all the craze now.
tmr's SED, i'm so excited! had lots of fun baking cornflake clusters at Meris's house today. Tofu's so cute! i think he's a little pissed with me now though, cos i didn't let him eat the cornflakes :x okay that's quite dumb of me. OH i just remembered that i have that 课前三分钟 thing tmr and i haven't prepared. bugaboo i'm gonna faint :x

I think i'm falling sick. i've been getting random short dizzy spells since sunday. what on earth is happening to me? x| yeah my eyes are crossed now xx gosh i need to sleep now bye

2010-03-05T20:46:00.002+08:00

I fell down the stairs today -.-
Let's just say i was trying to learn how to fly. what came into me that gave me the misconception that the staircase was a better place to learn to fly than the air force, i do not know. all i know that what i experienced was similar to learning to fly, and crashlanding.

okay, my exam is in 6 days and my pieces ain't perfect yet, so i shall be assiduous and practise hard. ta-ta!

2010-03-04T22:48:00.002+08:00

Heys, sorry I MIA-ed for so long. It's just that every time i get to this "new post" page i just blank out. a failed test paper, indeed.

Ahahaha, i shall not talk about such emo stuff, though i am currently at a loss on what to do. Should i finish up Nicole's long-due belated birthday present, should i continue researching on that chem project which i honestly have no idea how to start, should i clip on my mute and start practising for my exam, which is like, 7 days away,

shoot parents are back.

random post

2009-10-23T11:29:00.004+08:00

or rather, a pity post. i kinda pity my blog. it must feel really rejected and the worst thing is, i can empathise. Trust me, i know that feeling.

2009-09-30T16:23:00.003+08:00

Haha I know what you're gonna say. I don't blog, so why did I change my blogskin?
waste of my time, when I'm supposed to be studying for EOYs but I wanted to change my blogshop blogskin when I saw this and i thought i just have to have this blogskin but i didn't think it suited my blogshop, hence the moulting of a dead blog.

ohijustfoundagreatskinformyblogshopsooffigotochangemyblogshopblogskinttyl

2009-08-31T22:33:00.000+08:00

Man my blog is dead. As the person guarding the Big Red Button puts it, d-e-d.
I guess I'm gonna delete it. Bye Bye Bloggie...

Things on my mind now

2009-07-22T13:41:00.003+08:00

Aragorn!!
Bacon!!
Candy!!
Doraemon
Exodus
Flute
God!!!
Him!!!
Ice cream!
Janice! lol
Koko Krunch
Lord of the Rings!!!
Maksim Mrvica!!!
Need food
Oranges
Piano
Quadratinis!
Restaurant City
Soup!
The Other Boleyn Girl
Utter nonsense
Violin
Wonderland
X-men
Yanni
Zapple!

English E-learning

2009-06-26T15:15:00.004+08:00

SEC 2 E-learning

Task:

a) Generate a list of words or phrases that describe each picture given below.

b) Using these words, write a paragraph to describe the person in each picture.

Picture 1

Fear, shame, guilt, despair, grief, tiredness, regret, austere,

At a glance this bald man seems to be afraid, like how I looked when I was watching Drag Me To Hell yesterday. Honestly, I wouldn’t blame him for covering his eyes. However, there is a high chance that this is not the case as in the picture, a glimpse can be caught of a very expensive suit and a watch. Rich, grown-up men in suits and watches probably do not watch a lot of horror movies. Rich, grown-up men in suits and watches are probably too proud and image-conscious to cover their eyes when watching horror movies despite the fact that they haven’t touched their popcorn lest they throw up and lose their precious face. Rich, grown-up men in suits and watches probably do not even watch horror movies. Thus, I have come to the conclusion that he is hiding his face from something or someone. Perhaps he, too, offended a gypsy and would be dragged to hell in three days’ time and is despairing, though this is a rather uncommon situation. Maybe he had just met with a very unfortunate accident and is hiding from his abhorrent reflection in the execrable invention called the mirror. More likely, he is hiding his face in shame from the world, a result of attrition leading to weariness and being sick of always having to adhere to rules and regulations, resulting in a bout of rather capricious and asinine behaviour. However, looking at his appearance and the style of the picture, I can guess that someone he had not had the time to get to know because of his busy schedule had recently passed away, his son or daughter, perhaps. Maybe he had always played the role of the discipliner, instilling austerity into his children’s lives, and had gotten too caught up in it that he neglected their emotional health. Yes, that’s it.

Picture 2

Fake, anger, advertisement

All words desert me when I look at this man, not because he is handsome, which he is not, but because he looks like he is supposed to be angry but not exactly doing a good job of looking angry. What comes out of it is positively weird. Is that gel on his hair? Oh no, please do not tell me they gelled his hair up to give the impression that he is so angry his hair is standing up. Perhaps this is a toothpaste advertisement, and he is showing off his perfect teeth, or maybe SKII, telling us that screaming gives us wrinkles. Maybe this is a picture used in a study to show that the pupils contract when met with an unappealing sight. Or perhaps, given the lack of bright colours in the picture, it goes to show that bright colours increase to your day affability, congeniality, pizzazz, elan, risibility, verve, delectableness, exuberance, jauntiness, effusiveness, ebullience, jocundity geniality, jocosity, and mirth, which all pretty much mean the same thing. Or maybe he was just annoyed that someone was taking a picture of him and was screaming at the person at the time it was taken.

Picture 3

Fun, freedom, pizzazz, elan, verve, delectableness, exuberance, jauntiness, effusiveness, ebullience, jocundity geniality, mirth

When I first saw this little girl, I thought she was rather patriotic, then I realised this picture probably was not taken in Singapore, and she is probably not Singaporean. When I look at this picture I think to myself, ah, children. I envy children sometimes. Like the little girl in this picture, they are free to express themselves and are not self-incarcerated in their little prisons of what-will-people-think. All they really care about is having fun and when they live life to the fullest, and even when they don’t get the best they will settle for second-best and still have a whale of a time. Take this girl, for example. It’s a hot day and she wants to go for a swim, but the swimming pool is too far away, so she settles for a small fountain and look how much fun she is having!

I'm going to fail this assignment.

2009-06-23T15:11:00.004+08:00

my blog is dead.
Thank you and sorry everyone who wants to know about my life but won't get a chance because i'm to lazy to post.
seriously.
it seems that when things get juicy you find you don't have time to tell others about it.
so here are some clues to what has been happening in my life:

I'm counting on God!

Happy birthday to me!

Huggies!

Nothing's gonna save us from the fallout.

I got owned, owned owned owned. In reversi.

Improved persuasive skills

yeah that's about it. Have a nice day! :D

Funny quotes!!!

If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Who are you and how did you get in here Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

Gene Police: You!! Out Of The Pool!

A penny saved is ridiculous.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Hahaha funny :D

2009-06-04T21:20:00.002+08:00

sob sob--
we have to
--sob--
postpone the sleepover
--sob--
because Val's neighbour
--sob--
got H1N1 DD:
--sob--
--sob--
I'm learning html :D

haha okay random
aww this is so sad!
we were like, looking forward to it all week!
sigh, nevermind D:

2009-06-03T21:17:00.003+08:00

One Last Breath
Creed

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking

2009-05-24T20:00:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Pristine and Yixin!!!
Today could probably be the happiest day I've had in a few weeks. Just to show that, I shall type smileys!
:D :) :] :P :d ;D ;) ;] ;P ;d =D =) =] =P =d and so on...
Anyway, I still feel quite bad that we're postponing the outing cos I heard some people wanted to go for FunJam and in the end i was the only one who went :(
But still, our postponing the outing may mean more time, cos i don't think we'll be going next sunday, having yet to confirm the venue, which means we may be going during the holidays! And, if we go during the holidays, we'll have more time on our hands as we can go in the morning! Gosh why am i suddenly speaking in perfect English?
plus, it'll be cheaper if we go to the movies on a weekday!

Had lunch @ secret secret place with...lots of people. Yay! first time Samantha came to lunch with us :) I feel very proud of myself. I finished one big plate of fried rice all by myself! haha if you've seen one plate of that you'd say it's an accomplishment too :) Haha there were lots of people there, much much more than when i went two years ago. Two years ago, it was held at the summit, and i was the only keyboardist. but today there were 5 keyboardists! Sis Mad and Theodore 'Teddy' took us :) I think Teddy's really nice :) Haha and quite happy that through this someone finally started talking to me again. Seriously am I THAT annoying? I don't think I'm made for the stage. Like, when we started jamming, I totally froze up, just like the other time. Singing was quite okay, though i suddenly realised how cold I was and started chattering, which was a little of an impediment to my singing in tune. Sigh, looks like i need to work on my impromptu-ness at keys.

2009-05-17T16:14:00.009+08:00

Friday
Woohoo! Midyears are OFFICIALLY. OVER. Went to Century Square with Nic and watched X-Men Origins Wolverine. It was really really good and Dominic Monaghan, the actor for Merry in LOTR, acted as some electric-controlling guy who died quite early :( But I'll say Nic's $6 + $8.50 was worth it: 1) The popcorn was AWESOME!!! and 2) OHMYGOSH GAMBIT ROCKS MY WORLD. ohmygoshgambitremyetiennelebeautaylorkitschgambitremyetiennelebeautaylorkitschohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh he'ssocool.

Saturday

How do we know God exists? How, when we can't see Him? Centuries ago people thought the Earth was flat, but did that mean it really was flat? Did the Earth turn from flat to spherical the moment the idea was introduced and accepted? No, the Earth had always been spherical; it was just a matter of time before the people found out the truth. In the same way, it's only a matter of time before we find out the truth, about whether God really exists, and if so, which God is real. But before we do, we have to believe in something, serve something or someone, be it God, yourself, money, worldly pleasures, acedemic achievements, etc. So I choose to believe in a God. What do YOU believe in?

Went for King Rachel's drama concert Timepieces :D It was really cool and the 10-minute plays were really really funny. I liked the first play, The Kill, the second, which Zen acted and Rach voice-acted in, On The Frontline, and the last play, French For Loveletter. I also picked up an action that would cause me to earn the reputation for being dramatic the next day--dramatic faint. haha i got super high afterward lol. reached home abt 2246.

Today
Don't get me wrong, I'm still crazy about GAMBIT. I was doing that fainting thing all day. haha quite fun, really. gambitgambitgambitremylebeauremylebeauremylebeautaylorkitschtaylorkitschtaylorkitsch ohh *dramatic faint*
had lunch at a new secret secret place we just discovered with Gloria, Rachel, Charis, Gerald, Andrew, Alvin and this saturday guy who just transferred to sunday called Charles. They tricked me and said his name was Charles Dickens (Gloria, Rachel, Charis) and Charles Xavier (Alvin)! lol he's quite a nice guy and he's studying cooking or sth like that! how cool is that!

2009-05-14T21:05:00.002+08:00

It seems that I really am deviant.
It's the times where I'm really really busy that my creative juices actually flow.
It's the times when I really don't have the time that i get my ideas.
wierd huh.
i agree.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

2009-05-06T20:41:00.004+08:00

I think I have been influenced by Lemony Snicket.
I know, I know what you're thinking! Right now you're probably not thinking "At your age and still reading Series of Unfortunate Events?!", neither are you considering picking up one of his books too, nor are you snoring away, floccinaucinihilipilificating the beauty of his abstruse way of writing.
No, you are thinking, "Who is Lemony Snicket?" In that case, you should pick up one of his books, a volume--any volume of [I've already mentioned] A Series of Unfortunate Events and peruse the droll description of Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaires' harrowing--a word here which means causing them much fear and trauma-- and unpredictable journey and the only character consistent in appearing in every volume is the ignoble--a word here which means dishonourable in character or purpose, which is to get his hands on the Baudelaire fortune--Count Olaf. Indeed, Olaf is a funny name, but funny has a few meanings, and one of which is laugh inducing, which certainly is not in the eyes of the Baudelairs. A more suitable definition of funny in this context would be unique, and therefore recognizable at the first syllable, and therefore fear-inducing instead of laugh-inducing to the Baudelaires, because the more volumes you read, the more treacherous schemes--a phrase here which means trying to get Violet to marry him, hyptonizing Klaus and poisoning Sunny--you read of and the more odious he is to you. And somewhere after the 5th volume you would learn of a faction--which means an organization divided in half and fighting each other--or better known in the Series as "schism".
The Baudelaire Orphans overcome adversity after adversity--a word here which means one of Count Olaf's schemes--without any help whatsoever from the adults because on one fully understood the danger COUNT OLAF posed to the Baudelaires, with the help of Violet's inventive brain, which she stimulates by tying up her long hair with a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes, and Klaus's vast knowledge, or erudition, as I call it, often associated with his polishing his glasses, and not to mention Sunny, who, though young, already has her built-in weapons--razor-sharp teeth, sharpened by grating them together. No one in charge of them, for that matter. Albeit their perpetual loneliness, they do meet some loyal and trustworthy friends, like the Quagmire Triplets, for example, who are also orphans, or Kit Snicket, a pregnant woman who is most likely the author's sister.
But alas! Their breif introduction has to come to an abrupt end as I start to wonder why I am promoting these depressing books.
My valedictions,
Janice
(who is not involved in the story)

I do stupid things 70% of the time!

2009-04-28T20:17:00.003+08:00

Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Tag 15 of your friends, and re-post as "I do stupid things __% of the time."

1. [x] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [x] Broken a chair by leaning back in it (Not exactly leaning on it...)
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking (haha food)
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. [ ] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [x] Have looked for something for at least 5 min then realized it was in your hand
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said pull
10.[x] Tried to pull open a door that said push
Running total: 9

11. [ ] Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love-potion
12. [x] Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. [x] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. [x] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. [x] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. [x] Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. [x] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. [ ] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
Running total: 17

21. [ ] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. [ ] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. [x] Have run into a closed door
24. [x] burned your finger on a lamp that was flaming hot
25. [ ] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. [x] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke
27. [ ] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [ ] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [x] Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, eample: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
Running total: 22

31. [ ] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. [x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. [ ] Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc when its on, even though you knew it was hot
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. [x] Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. [x] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. [x] Walked into a pole
40. [ ] Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident
Running total: 25

41. [ ] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. [x] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on
43. [x] Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small
44. [ ] Walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. [x] Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there, you forgot what it is was that you were going to do
46. [x]Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. [x] Have poked yourself in the eye
49. [ ] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. [ ] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
Running total: 31

51. [ ] Have done enough stupid things to make a test
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was
55. [x] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. [x] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on
57. [x] Got up early and got ready for school/work, then realized that you didn't have school/work that day
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny
Running total: 40

61. [ ] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. [x] Said funner then had someone make fun of you for it
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [x] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong.
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. [ ] Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
Running total: 48

71. [x] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. [ ] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. [x] Ran into a door
74. [ ] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid (I wouldn't tell someone that I hardly do stupid things cos I do them all the time:))
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. [ ] Have purposely licked playground sand (EEW)
77. [x] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk when you weren't
79. [x] Have been so hyper you actually scared people (HAHAHA)
80. [x] Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would hurt.
Running total: 57

81. [ ] Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off on someone else
82. [x] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. [x] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. [ ] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair [No Way My hair is too silky ;D]
86. [ ] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. [ ] Shaved your tongue because you thought your taste buds looked funny
88. [x] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. [ ] Have flung forks at people in a restaurant
90. [ ] Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.
Running total: 62

91. [x] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [x] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [x] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper [ohmygosh so fun]
94. [ ] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. [x] Have started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story [It happens like, all the time!]
96. [x] Read a whole book but during the whole book you weren’t even paying attention (hahaha boring ones)
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before (jenisjanisjennicejannis oh forget it)
98. [x] When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling
99. [x] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class
100.[ ] Have popped a balloon in your mouth
Total: 70

I do stupid things 70% of the time!

Sweet Release

2009-04-27T20:38:00.003+08:00

This is called an awkward situation.
Having so many things to say yet not being able to put it in words.

I'm working on perfecting Musician. My theory teacher also promised to give me some of bartok's famous pieces. They seriously look super fun to play. Heheh and once I learn the songs i intend to play it and ask people which time signature they think it's in. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
it's composite time. Betcha don't know what THAT means :D

Am I normal?
Why is it that when I DON'T ask, I'm NOT normal, while when I DO ask, I AM normal.
huh.
W I E R D
I just wanted to ask them what was so not normal about me.
Maybe I'm asking the wrong people cos the ones who say i'm not normal ain't online.
What do you think i am?
TAG!

Jia Yous for paper 1 tmr :D
I'm gonna fail Chinese.
OHMYGOSH I'm so excited about English. I can't wait to write something stupid again :D

Nothing more bah. Bye!

Bacon rocks my world

2009-04-26T16:36:00.004+08:00

No FUEL today :((
reached at 7 as usual. By the time Hans was open i was like, starving. I looked over the counter and saw...BACON!!!
BACON!!! baconbaconbaconbaconbaconbacon BACON!!! Oh my gosh I love baconbaconbaconetc.

So what's with the no FUEL thing? I was the only (lower sec) girl there for a long long time and gosh I was so bored cos I had no one to talk to then Miranda came :)
I played sudoku on her handphone and while i was playing Joel (Botak) kept trying to steal my handphone.
*playing sudoku*
"Eh stop stealing my handphone."
"Wah you can see? I thought you were too engrossed to see."
Well he kept trying and succeeded sometimes.
"EH STOP STEALING MY HANDPHONE!"
Seriously. What's so desirable about my ancient handphone?

A lot of people commented on the formality of my dressing and i told them the dress code was blue and I didn't have a lot of blue shirts except for this crumpled longsleeve. In the end Zerline and Chloe and I were the only ones who wore blue and Chloe just happened to wear blue. LOL!

Next Next week's dress code is stripes :) Next Next week is also team lunch :) Next next week is also Worship Experience--New Dimension or sth like that. Speaking of New Dimension, Ing Yee was involved in publicity and they were supposedly supposed to grab as many people as possible to help them so she grabbed me at the last minute lol. It was quite fun :)

Making a Difference

Won't you, Lord, take a look at our hands
Everything we have, use it for your plan
Won't you, Lord, take a look at our hearts
Mold it, refine it, as You set us apart

We want to run to the altar,
And catch the fire,
To stand in the gap
Between the living and the dead
Give us a heart of compassion
For a world without vision
We will make a difference
Bringing hope to our land

2009-04-23T15:16:00.007+08:00

OH MAN!!! I CAN'T GO TO JOEY'S CONCERT!!!
We were supposed to go for China immersion on 27th but then they gave us another form and it said 26th!!! so i can't go to Joey's concert!!! I HATE MYSELF MAN I'VE ALREADY MISSED IT BEFORE!!!

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHGRRR
RRSHEEEEEEEEEEESHGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHOk
imrunningoutofthingstotypeAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG
HHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEESS
SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR

So i'm going to advertise Joey's concert here!

Xinmin Band (Gold w Honours)
26th May
Esplanade
Student--$16
Adult--$21
(can order from SISTIC too.)

Random things

2009-04-21T22:33:00.005+08:00

YESTERDAY

We got our new ez-link cards. I want my old ez-link card back! i looked so cute in that one haha.

Everybody say AWW...haha.

Walked to MRT with Shimin and Qianlin. I was debating whether to take MRT or bus. I tried flipping a coin but horror of horrors, I failed to catch it, So I picked it up and said nvm, I'll take MRT. And THAT's how flipping a coin helps solve problems.

TODAY
Everyone sitting around me in class now know to appreciate my perfume Haha. During English period, two big vehicles drove past. What's the big deal? My classroom is on the first floor. The consequences of studying in a first floor classroom are few but, well, consequential. This time it was particularly suffocating. Just when we were about to collapse from asphyxiation, i took out my perfume and sprayed. Needless to say, it was way more appreciatable than the exhaust fumes.

2009-04-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

I wanted to post about something today but I can't remember what i wanted to post about. Oh well.

English newspaper report test today. Basically it was about this stupid guy who walked off the MRT platform onto the tracks cos he was engaged in an sms convo. I started with the line "Singapore now has her very own potential Darwin award winner". Well, you know the rest.

We had band today. It's the sec 4s' last band prac with AHBand. A lot of sec 3s took turns and led us in warm ups. Ronald, Chelsea, Qianlin, Hsiao Lan, Wei zhang and Gwen, if I remember correctly. Then Mr Chua came and without the sec 4s there hardly anyone answered his questions. Seriously it's quite nerve-wracking if you're up there and no one answers the questions you ask. Then we split up for sectionals but cos Hsiao Lan had some competition and Mr Chua wanted the sec 3s to stay I took sectionals. Haha I think it went well? I dunno. Though I can say that I'm quite satisfied with it. I guess it kinda makes up for the time Van Chia asked me to take junor band and it was (totally) unexpected and I (totally) screwed it up. Haha I guess it just takes a little practise. In no time at all, we'd practised for 1 and a half hours. wow, how time flies! haha for me, maybe.

Then we went back to the band room where the sec 3s and 4s played Warabe and I tried to sight read but wasn't THAT successful. They played March Bou Shu but I didn't sight read cos 1) it's too fast and 2) there was like, this kind of feeling in the air that said like, this is OUR song. our song as in those who played for NBC. I guess I just couldn't interfere. Xin Jie's clarinet is stuck :( And i'll feel guilty if she doesn't get to go band day tmr. Some sec 2s stayed back to do stuff for tmr but i didn't really do anything. Hannah and I went to play piano and I think my Croatian Rhapsody improved cos I couldn't hear the right hand and I told Hannah and she said use more strength and i did and obviously it improved but i think i sorta knew it at the back of my mind and saying it out kinda made me understand.

Looks like I've remembered what I wanted to post about.

2009-04-16T19:44:00.003+08:00

Forgiveness.

There's a wide rift between knowing and understanding, and in the same way thinking and acting are on two different sides of the universe. And don't give me that chimmed-out face. I'm not going to talk about how easy forgiveness is, or how it is only for certain people who deserve it. No.

I'd held a grudge against my P6 teacher for years. He ruined an entire year of my life. Take one story, look at it from two angles. From my P.O.V, he picked on me everyday. Everything about me was tainted, imperfect, odious. There was no doubt that he was biased. Everyday he scolded me in front of the class, told them how impeccable, assiduous my brother was. No point telling my parents, they'd never understand. They agreed with teachers about everything about my education. They honestly thought it was to my benefit. They never imagined how I felt. After all, if it were for my benefit, shouldn't they at least consider how i feel? You wanna know what happened? I lost all motivation to study. I didn't study throughout my whole PSLE period.

I got 4th in school with a T-score of 256, but no matter how happy I was, I just couldn't shake the feeling that I would have done better if I had studied. I had wanted to go to Dunman High but I applied for Anglican High instead.

When my secondary school life started, the stress from the last year hadn't completely diminished and I was often in a bad mood, snapping at my friends who had gotten into AHS too. Before the first term was over, those primary school friends ditched me. When CCA selection day came, I joined band and they joined guitar.

Looking back, what seemed to be catastrophic turned out to be a blessing in disguise. If he hadn't ruined my primary school life, I wouldn't have lost all interest and motivation in my academics. If that had not happened, I would have gone to DHS instead of AHS. If that were to happen, my hair would be white by now. If they hadn't ditched me, I would have joined guitar, and if I had, I wouldn't have met the great people in my life. Savvy?

Sometimes, we don't understand why some things happen to us and not to others.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Time heals, not because the pain of what had happened fades, but because the good that comes out of it is brought to light. Sometimes, the perfect life isn't always the best. So whenever you're hurt or things are getting out of hand,

Let go, let God.

Section outing!!!

2009-04-12T16:48:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ING YEE
oh right, i've said that before. but then again it doesn't hurt to say it again :D
We had a section outing today. We went bowling! But first we went to Singpost to eat :D

Miranda and I in Macs!

Met Teri and Rachel in Kopitiam

Nice effect!

Cold war?

Birthday Girl!

I obviously didn't do this

Joshua Foo's lucky ball. It went in the gutter and came out again!

Ugly bowling shoes >.<
The score. Oh man my total score for the first game was 8, man, 8!!!
I must learn to bowl.

HOPE

2009-04-11T22:02:00.001+08:00

I'm multi-tasking. Although I don't think it would be counted multi-tasking cos I'm sort of alternating between (attempting to) sew/ing Ing Yee's name on a teddy bear JE and I bought this morning (our present to Ing Yee) and I'm basing it on Dancing in the Moonlight. Once the song stops, I stop sewing and press replay, computer. Song stops, replay, sewing. which gives them around 4 minutes each. I don't think you'd call that multi-tasking. I can sew? yeah sure. www.bead-strings.blogspot.com/ haha I'm advertising my blogshop here. It is, after all, my blog.

I have decided to lay off the craziness for awhile. After all, there really isn't any point in being crazy.

There was hope today. Oh, and everyday too. No, what I meant was that I went to watch the Good Friday/Easter performance called Hope. It was good. I mean really! But I didn't go for the 2 o'clock one which most of the IGNYTErs went to cos I had theory lesson.
I reached there just in time to meet lots of IGNYTErs on their way out. haha. I sat with Dorcas' family with Audrey and Jolene and Peiting and Dorcas' friend Deborah. We had lots of laughs, with reasons ranging from
me kop-ing the poor rejected tomatoes and cucumbers from Peiting's sandwich and Jolene and Peiting went EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW. I asked them which they were "eeeee"-ing about: me kop-ing food from Peiting's plate or eating tomatoes and cucumbers and they said err, both. I told them i was thinking of the Third World countries
to
a conversation including Dorcas' funny dad. Basically, he asked us if we wanted anything to drink and I said no thanks, we know how to recycle water in our bodies:) Then later he asked if we wanted to eat anything or something like that and I went, oh I'm eating air. you see, only we (those born in '95, '96) have this special organ in our boh-day that can absorb and digest air.
"whoa, generation gap"haha.
somewhere in between
was Dorcas introducing Jolene to Deborah as Cai Yi Lin(Jolin Tsai) and Dorcas offering me mentos and my asking for coke or pepsi before popping it into my mouth. "Cai yi lin" refused to give me an autograph before i left, though. More and more often I seem to be on a funny streak. must be the weather.

So many people, and I couldn't find one person I know to sit with. In the end I sat with Asaph at the back. It was really really good, esp the singing. I think the actor for Jesus was P. Gary. His singing was really really good. PDa preach and it was really funny. I should stop using the word 'really'. PDa preached and it was extrenely funny.

tired of Dancing in the Moonlight, anyone? Cos I am. okay change song! One Last Breath.

I met Miranda afterward and we had long long chat about our ccas stuff. Then my family went to eat popiah at 133 coffee shop.

Well what do you know, 15 minutes to Ing Yee's birthday, so

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ING YEE
in advance

P.S. i think the blog clock is wierd.

all in a nutshell

2009-04-10T15:32:00.003+08:00

Today
I'm soaked to the skin. I was out at Bedok interchange to 送货 to Nic and it started raining. It was mostly shade until the traffic light and I said to myself, once the light turns re--Run! I must really have looked like the crazy thing[courtesy of Jonathan Kit(Himbo)] I am, running in the rain(very. heavy. rain.) in a white shirt, light blue shorts and slippers. argh, my precious hair was souked. rain is acidic, you know. screw those who cut styrofoam and crush aluminium cans.

I just finished decorating the front cover of Ing Yee's Birthday scrap book. I had a artist's block and I just couldn't come up with a design striking enough and I had a hard time making it so ING YEE YOU BETTER LIKE IT. haha just joking :D Anyone from Joansie Poansie Buzz free for lunch on sunday?

Yesterday
The first time I brought my handphone to my violin lesson, 2 people called me like, one right after the other. Haha I guess I'm not gonna bring my hp to violin lesson again. my e-string tuning was really bad cos i just changed the string like, an hour before the lesson so it was still a bit inconsistent.

Maundy Thursday service was really really cool. Jolene and I were just about the only ones (except for Janelle, who sat with the Saturday group) from our buzz who came so we sat together. I did see the guys but when we went in we couldn't find them and we thought they were in the overflow room and we wanted to go there but we didn't know where the overflow room was so we wanted to call them but then

Suddenly my long time ago crush and his identical twin brother sat like, two rows in front of us and I said to her, nevermind, we'll survive sitting alone. I've survived sitting alone more times than you have sitting with friends.

There were words on the big big screen and it read: car owners of Ssomething and Sblah please move your cars. Owner of YLwhat, your headlights on! haha we had a good laugh about it.

Then Fabian came along and sat in front of me(another tall guy!). Turns out he couldn't find his buzz either.

After the service we found the guys. Turns out they were at the back, after all. Why is it that I always manage to miss something? I mean like, ALWAYS!!! Then I told bro KX the good news that my team finally had a dress code (blue)!

Two days ago
I had an argument with my parents. As always, it all started out with me. Apparently, the main(and favourite) reason was that i was playing too much piano and not studying enough. Hey. this is my blog. the one place where i'm supposed to express my views so be fair to me. I was having mood swings and and I play piano to relieve stress. Afterall, everyone has their own way of relieving stress, right? but they just see it as recreation time. and they like, limit my use of piano everyday. like, you've already played today. sheesh. I only played two songs. i don't care about studies.

acedemics schmacedemics. when you die, you can't take your diplomas, your Permanent Head Damages with you. In your eulogy, they don't emphasize on how much you achieved unless you are someone like Thomas Edison and everyone switched off their lights for one minute. So call me hedonistic. Go on, you know you want to. but people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care and you know it. What's the point of studies, really. Just how much do we really need to survive? How much that we know can really be applied in our lives? we gotta prioritise here. Which is more important, knowledge or love/friendships? be it phileo or agape, we can't survive without either of them.

Back to the point. So I went to my room and cried cos I'll never win the losing battle against them. Woe to children, who would never win the political battle against the nefarious, manipulating adults. they never listen. they pretend that they're gonna listen but in their hearts they were just looking for loopholes in my argument and brainwash with Their philosophy on succeeding in life. Aren't we supposed to have our own unique ways of thinking? Adults. Pathetic adults. my mom thought I was crying because I thought I had Bipolar Disorder and was just trying to fit the profile of one by being depressed or something like that but they just didn't see the point. They never do. She told me i didn't have Bipolar Disorder. How would she know? I'd had it for 8 years but I didn't tell her that cos I was angry and depressed and when I'm like that i just don't want to talk. She told me I didn't have Bipolar Disorder and left.

It's called denial.

That crazy thing

2009-04-08T08:46:00.002+08:00

Heys
I'm blogging from school right now.
CZH doesn't even care (He's reading newspapers).
I wanted to blog about something but I forgot.
Oh well.
Have a nice day.
I'll come back and blog if I can remember what I wanted to say.

OHOHOH I REMEMBER NOW!!!
Anyway, there's no record held for the most number of mental disorders in the Guinness Book of Records (I checked).
So?
So I should go set one.

List of Mental Disorders I have:
1. Dissociated Identity Disorder
2. Bipolar Disorder I
3. Histrionic Personality Disorder
4. Borderline Personality Disorder
5. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
6. Dependent Personality Disorder
The following are not actual disorders:
1. Highly Sensitive Person
2. Abnormal Dissociation Disorder
3. Nice Girl Syndrome
My love language is Words of
Affirmation, Quality Time, with Physical Touch right behind :D

See?My mom tells me I'm perfectly normal. My dad says I'm a
psychological hypochondriac. I say i'm just a hypochodriac. Tell me about it.

Top of the World

2009-04-07T19:16:00.003+08:00

Such a feeling's coming over me
There is wonder in 'most everything I see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes
And I won't be surprised if it's a dream

Everything I want the world to be
Is now coming true especially for me
And the reason is clear
It's because you are here
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen

I'm on the top of the world looking
Down on creation and the only explanation I can find
It's the love that I've found
Ever since you've been around
Your love's put me on the top of the world

Something in the wind has learnt my name
And it's telling me that things are not the same
In the leaves on the trees
And the touch of the breeze
There's a pleasing sense of happiness for me

There is only one thing on my mind
When this day is through I hope that I will find
That tomorrow will be
Just the same for you and me
All I need will be mine if you are here

I'm on the top of the world looking
Down on creation and the only explanation I can find
It's the love that I've found
Ever since you've been around
Your love's put me on the top of the world

Sanguine-ness

2009-04-06T22:00:00.002+08:00

3 people noticed I cut my hair today
good or bad?
I cut my hair weeks ago.
so good or bad?

I'm quite high today
lots of people called me siao
i didn't bother to count
I'm used to it
i like it
I'm unique
I dare to stand out
Is that being crazy?

i'm sanguine today
can't tell, huh?
sure don't look it

Bye! :D

Spontaneous!

2009-03-24T19:22:00.005+08:00

I owe my new URL to Jonathan Kit. go figure. It ain't that hard.

Anyway, Spontaneous was super! I still have muscle aches on my shoulder from carrying the salad and the drinks, though. We went to East Coast Park and played monkey and captain's ball there. I was said to be one of the most hyper ones there. As always :D. Then there was testimony sharing. I shared an impromptu one :D. After that we did what we wanted to do. The guys were still playing captain's ball with water bombs. I practiced skipping stones and did once or twice but they weren't very successful due to the high tide. Here are some photos I took:

Water bombs. I felt so tempted to steal one :D

sky. whoopsies about that couple.

L. O. V. E

Again.

Jing Yun and Rachelle

I hitched a ride from Jon's mom. Jon said sis Ber was quite pissed cos the guys kept stealing the water bombs. lawl.

Quotes from The Purpose Driven Life

2009-03-17T21:37:00.002+08:00

Haha today's day 25 of my Purpose Driven Life :D
Here are some really really great lines:

It's not about you.

You are not an accident.

The way you see your life shapes your life.

The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart.

Jesus gave up everything so you could have everything. He died so you could live forever.

God is real, no matter how you feel.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.

If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. But if you look at Christ, you'll be at rest! --Corrie ten Boom ( suffered in a Nazi death camp)

You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you've got.

2009-03-14T17:42:00.003+08:00

YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
I DID IT!!!
haha I just completed my first bulk order of 12 letter keychains in 3 days :D
I'll be $15 dollars richer on Monday :D hooray!
It's not so much of the salary, really.
I'm just really happy that I actually managed to complete it today :D
Hannah finally lent me the score for 菊花台 :DDD
Haha I'm really really happy right now :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Who are you to judge?

2009-03-02T20:24:00.003+08:00

There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?
--James 4:12

In John 8:7 , Jesus said to the crowd, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first." (NKJV) Basically, The Pharisees had caught an adulteress in the act and wanted to see what Jesus would do. Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger. We don't know what He wrote, but scholars believe that He was writing down the sin of everyone in the crowd, from the oldest to the youngest.

The bible says in James 2:10, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." So that means that we are all equally guilty. It is not for us to judge how righteous or unrighteous others are, because we are the same. One little white lie carries the same weightage of a murder. Both are sin, and both hurt God.

2009-02-26T21:34:00.001+08:00

okay I dunno what to say.

I just want to say hi.

lol this is so lame.

I'm having a bit of a writer's block right now.

So err...hi.

bye.

Heart of Worship

2009-02-23T21:00:00.003+08:00

Hey all!!!

Like my new blogskin?

I LOVE IT!!!

I just recovered from a bout of gastric flu(I think).Yuck, yuck, puke, puke, gag, gag.I didn't go to school on Friday.Obviously because I fell ill. And I missed :

1.My SYF audition D:
2. nothing, really.

I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life. Started on Friday.

Day one: It's not about you.

Cool, huh?

Day two: You are not an accident.

OOH I LOVE THAT!!!
I'm reading Day three now.

Day three: What drives your life?

Rock on.

When the music fades,
and all is stripped away.
And I simply come,
longing just to bring,
something that's of worth.
that will bless Your heart.

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
and it's all about You,
it's all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry for the thing I've made it,
when it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus.

King of endless worth,
No one could express,
how much you deserve.
Though I'm weak and poor,
all I have is Yours,
Every single breath.

I'll bring You more than a song,
for a song in itself
is not what You have required.
You search much deeper within,
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
and it's all about You,
it's all about You, Jesus.
I'm sorry for the thing I've made it,
when it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus.

Character

2009-02-19T15:59:00.002+08:00

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of; the tree is the real thing.
-Abraham Lincoln

Cattell's 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Intellect	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Liveliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Dutifulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Social Assertiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	82%
Sensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Abstractness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	86%
Introversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	78%
Openmindedness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Independence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%
Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Tension	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	26%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by similarminds.com

2009-02-18T20:28:00.004+08:00

What a splendid head, yet no brain

-Aesop

I just found out yesterday that brains are grey. I always thought they were pink. Not that I'm a bimbo or anything, just that they're always pink in illustrations and stuff.

SYF auditions for Fluboes and Clarinets are this Friday. Fluboes first, and I'm the first to go. We oh-yah-peh-yah-som-ed and I'm the first to go. *nervous, anxious, apprehensive, frightened, scared, worried, hyperventilating, fearful*.

I just found out that I'm a stressed out kid. I was reading the Idiot's Guide to Understanding Body Language and there was this chapter on teens and adolescents. Then there was this description of a stressed out kid who really needs a break and i said, hey, I fit this description almost exactly.

Okay, i think that's all.
Bye!

P.S. My hotmail is finally working! YAY!!!

2009-02-12T20:30:00.004+08:00

Quote of the Day:
If you vote for Obama, you're a sexist.
If you vote for Clinton, you're a racist.
If you vote for McCain, you're both.
(I can't remember who)

So it's this, that, or both.

I got off on the wrong side of the bed today. got pissed with a lot of my friends, though i tried not to show it. it wasn't that bad, really. i went to band after school but didn't self-prac. i notice i was quite happy there. its a subconscious thing, i guess. if one has a good experience somewhere for a prolonged period or even the first time one will most likely be in a positive mood when at that place or situation. Oh this is just stupid now my hotmail isn't working.

Oh i found out the answer to the previous question of the day. she won't get fined cos I dropped my tuner and I didn't get fined either so i guess it's the same concept.

Xinjie and Melissa are coming for Love.Me.Now. :D and I got 2 flowers today :D One from Mingli and Jiahao and the other from Nicola bestie :D Sadly, Nicola's flower kenna banged and it bent D:

Kenzie, Hannah and Yuyang invited me to join their band. I wonder what i'll do.

Welcome Back!

2009-02-02T20:48:00.005+08:00

Hey guys,
I'm back, the one and only wierdo Janice Ho (hey that rhymes)
I got some things to say so here goes:

Question of the Day:
Since Hsiao Lan's flute is her own, will she get fined if she drops it?
(I asked her and she said she didn't want to drop it in the first place)

Love.Me.Now, an IGNYTE production, is a Valentine's Day gameshow-drama about three guys chasing after one girl (so is it called a love rectangle?). Who will win her heart? Find out on (ironically) Friday the Thirteenth, at Trinity@Paya Lebar (247 Paya Lebar Rd) at 6:45pm. And if you're worried you might be unlucky in love cos it's Friday the 13th, don't worry, it's just a myth.

go check out the songs. I added some more nice songs :D.

By the way, my Grade 8 Violin exam is postponed to March next year. I shall work hard and (attempt feebly to) get that scholarship. Wish me luck :D

b l i s s

2008-11-20T20:18:00.002+08:00

hi I'm back from Malaysia!!!
oh you won't BELIEVE my weekend! okay on friday i watched Die Another Day and Mr & Mrs Smith. lol super funny. Die another Day song is like, super long. On Saturday I went to watch Madasgacar 2 Escape 2 Africa with my cousins and my brothers. Waah super funny. Then at night we watched POTC 3 At Worlds End. haha super funny too. the third night we watched Th Dark Knight. Not that funny, though. My cousins couldn't understand it.
I went shopping with Odelia today and we both bought a shirtdress each =DDD
I feel like deleting this blog. There's nothing to update and when there's something to update i forget by the time i get on the comp. Lol.

2008-11-10T21:38:00.002+08:00

heys
i haven't been blogging for a very long time. sorry bloggie :( been busy facebook-ing
its so fun. there are so many applications and i feel so guilty for neglecting my kitten.
Jon Kit called me a comma. okay, so i can't blame him for that cos my display name is a comma. but seriously, what's there to write? i'm out of ideas.
i'm playing Collect Twilight Characters. I'm so happy Rex joined my gang so now i have 3 gang members :DDD but seriously, what's the point of playing Collect whatever? They just get stolen from you again and you have to steal them all over again.
i'm so happy XJ is finally actually willing to talk to Odelia now that she doesn't think she's a meanie.
I'm elated. It's the time of the year when the library doubles our loan quota. I LOVE IT.
i'm elated. no i'm janice.whatever.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

Look at it this way

2008-10-22T20:24:00.003+08:00

You can't change anything by being sarcastic and grumpy--You'll only worsen the situation and dampen the mood of the people around you. Consequently, people won't like being around you, and will stop mixing with you. And whose fault is it? Instead, you can smile and look on the bright side, and carry on living. Happily. No harm being happy. It's your choice, really.

Back again and pessimistic-er than ever

2008-10-14T21:13:00.003+08:00

Ugh. I don't ever want to climb stairs again. I subbed for Emily stairs relay cos she didn't come ;( But i still gotta climb the chang cheng every school day. sigh. Xin Jie won't listen. She's adamant on quitting Council. And she still thinks Odelia is out to get her. Okay, maybe not out to get her, but still, she won't listen if it came from Odelia. Sigh. Whatever. Andrew really got a keyboard. lol and he's learning To Zarnakand by ear. lol he good, he good.
Why am i so pessimistic?
i dunno
don't say you dunno! you know! you just gotta search deep inside yourself.
ugh. chimology.
Why am i talking to myself?
dunno.
Ugh. Sheesh.
Stop being so pessimistic. S M I L E.
*sarcastic laugh*
Tomorrow i lose my freedom.
S M I L E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay! OKay!! OKAy!!! OKAY!!!! ;DDDDDDDDD
thanks, for making me smile [though you didn't do anything]. ;DDD

Stupidity

2008-09-29T21:07:00.002+08:00

sad for Massa.
Oh yah National Anthem has his name.
...saMA SAma menuju...
lol.

I TUNED MY GUITAR WITH MY HEADPHONES ON.
with music.
how stupid is that?
Hey it wasn't too bad; quite accurate, in fact.
Moral of the story: less is more ;DDD

The coin

2008-09-25T20:14:00.002+08:00

I'm confident about my ACC test. I wouldn't normally be so confident but i am cos i used the coin method ;DDD
I finally met my shepherdess today ;DD I went to Outreach but i only stayed for the games cos i had violin lesson. meh-meh!!!
I've found my calling. i think. uh-huh. yeah. won't tell ya what it is. ;D
And i've finally finished reading Midnight Sun online. The first 12 chapters, that is.

2008-09-20T20:44:00.002+08:00

Happy "Birthday" Esther Jiamin, Jolene Deborah, Rachel Faith, Yanyan Rebekah and Titus Shangbo! ;DDD Baptized at ECP. So cool!!! :DDD Congrats ;D

2008-09-19T20:28:00.003+08:00

i'm busy doing homework so i can go ECP tmr. so i'll just try to post my three fave music vids.
#1 Jesus, Take the Wheel by Carrie Underwood
#2 Why by Nichole Nordeman
#3 Concrete Angel by Martina McBride

Music Vids

Ah...sweet success!

2008-09-16T21:20:00.003+08:00

I've been feeling really low these days.
oh man what am i talking about?
i always feel low.
stupid.
asinine.
i'm sick and tired of playing the same songs over and over.
Anyone got any nice piano or violin or flute scores?
thanks =)

2008-09-04T17:21:00.003+08:00

I feel terrible. My neck is sun burnt and I have a terrible headache. And I have to study. ugh. I'm going to study so i can go to the library later. Ironic, isn't it? I hate studying but i love reading.

Y'know it's pretty confusing if you read lots of Psycho books cos you'll find that people's behaviours can be trace down to many reasons. Some psychologists point it to birth order, personality type or nurture. lots of reasons. you'll find that it's not so easy after all to understand human nature. people try to find a reason why people behave the way they behave but sometimes you can't point it down to a personality type or your birth order CRAP. I don't know what i'm talking about. just ignore what i said.

I'm off to study. bleah.

2008-09-01T20:53:00.005+08:00

I finished reading Breaking Dawn within 24 hours!!! the front was quite boring but the middle-end was super exciting!!!

Asaph just gave me the number one cleaning fluid in the world for me to drink. Yeah, cleans everything but your teeth. guess what it is and tagg =]

going to malaysia friday saturday coming back on sunday. missing church :( but maybe going out with BFFs =) if mummy doesn't force me to go tuition =(

chatting with Meifang ;) lol this year PSLE oral the pic got colour.

Went with Odelia, Joyann and other band ppl to The Showcase at Cornerstone. Super fun lah! got one guy do beatbox and then he said can learn beatbox from chinese then he told some story about a king going hunting and then in the end was like, 捕刺客，打刺客，刺客不打刺客. or something like that. Then there was this magic show.super cool lah then the magician did some trick i saw on How 2 and i was like, lol! then the last trick was really stupid. he got someone from the audience and said he'll make something disappear then when she was not looking a door near the stage and he threw the thing through the door. LOL!!! there was a very touching video which i think everyone should watch. it's called Why by Nichole Nordeman. go youtube search. the music video rocks.

after that went to Katong Laksa with them and had a taste of Katong Laksa. Not bad, since i don't really eat spicy stuff. I guess all the laksa i ever try from now on will taste really bad now since the first time i try laksa i try the best. lol.

2008-08-27T20:04:00.002+08:00

Sorry people!!! haha so long didn't update. Sorry no time. Anws, here's an update of most of the significant events that occurred recently :] I haven't been very emo recently;D Haha I suddenly can't remember anything except yesterday so i'll talk about yesterday okay?

The match was Anglican against Unity. what happened to the spirit of sportsmanship?

Took 59 with Guang Jun, Bai Chuan and Yue Ren. just as i was entering the stadium i saw Peter and said hi. HE TALKED TO ME!!! okay, so you'd probably think that i have a crush on Peter [ okay, maybe a little;)]but if you knew how quiet he was you'd be really happy if he talked to you. okay, so i asked him a question and he replied me. FINE! BE THAT WAY! I met Lydia, too, and she said she didn't know I was in Anglican lol. "really! I didn't know you're in Anglican!" lol.

The match was like, Anglican winning at first, then Unity started playing well, and then from then it was like, quite close, and by the first half Unity was leading by two points and guess who scored the two points? [oh ya forgot to tell you David didn't play cos he injured his leg ): woulda loved to see him play ] but Anglican won. at least Unity won the girls C Division. But i wanted David to win. I wanted Peter to win. Okay, so i'm getting emo again. but whatever we do, someone will always get hurt. that's the way it is. All my friends were taking mrt and I didn't have enough money to take mrt so i stayed for a while and chatted with Sarah and Lydia and a bit with Anna. But in the end I went back in the SC bus cos Teri found out that I didn't have my ez-link card with me and only had no one to go home with and then she asked the teacher if I could go home in that bus. I felt really bad cos I cheered for Unity and I was a traitor and all but then after all Anglican won right? but the bus was quite crowded and i felt really bad and i felt i was taking up space but then again, what difference would i have made?

the realisation

2008-08-07T20:28:00.002+08:00

i've realised...

...that blogging emo is kinda stupid, cos when you read it it sounds kinda act, kinda fake. and weird.

I've realised...

...that little things do matter, because they're what make me ebullient or abject.

I've realised...

...that I ain't really that good.

I've realised...

...that being a perfectionist is really, really useful, cos on one hand you feel motivated to do as well and anyone can possibly do, and on the other hand, it keeps one humble.

I've realised...

...that I do love you.

2008-08-02T19:57:00.004+08:00

my face is roasted, lol. but probably not from the 2.4km run. I can't believe myself. my running seems to have improved by leaps and bounds. i didn't even train. haha maybe that's what happens when you climb 114 steps every weekday. something like that. every time i count or attempt to count the steps of the Anglican Chang Cheng i get a different number. or maybe it was because there were people cheering for me. haha, there were 13 stations, and i remember thinking that they weren't spaced out evenly. When we came to the slope i decided to walk and when all went downhill i leaped like a gazelle. okay, so i felt like it, but 99% i didn't look it. lol. haha, it didn't occur to me to cheer for the sec 2s cos i heard the starting point was somewhere else. then when i was nearing towards the end i suddenly saw lots of people and they were cheering and i was thinking, oh, so that's what they're standing here for. lol. they looked like a welcome party (well, in a way they were) and suddenly i saw my band seniors cheering and screaming for me. haha, talk about motivation. i don't know where i got the strength to run faster but i did. i chiong-ed to the end. i think. or towards the end i slowed down. dunno. can't remember. Oh yeah Yan Hao was super fast lah. and Joyann too ;D and Vanessa also quite fast. and Delphine. and Jia Hui. Oh yah Yong Quan and Jia Hao really ran together to the end.

moral of the story? always cheer for your friends.

oh by the way, i got number 99. haha, lucky number.

oh yeah, after that Joni, Daphne and I went bk, where i bought an 'enormous' omelet sandwich. lol, i wanted to buy onion rings but they only had hash browns for breakfast. yuck, i hate hash browns. then we went to macs and met Emily and Rachel. lol, Rachel was looking sexay!

we went to the beach ;D we climbed up the breakwater and found lots of peanut shells. lol, then we saw a kinda fish, we thought it was a stingray, and we tried to catch it but it disappeared when it reached the breakwater D: we tried to catch some tiny fish that we saw but no luck. we did catch one catfish, though but in the end we let it go. we picked some seashells and rocks. I skipped a stone ;D it only skipped once, though, but it was really cool watching it bounce on the water. then emily first found some black stuff under her foot and we all started checking our feet. haha, we all kena-ed. Joni went to wash it off but then cam back saying some uncle said must use kerosene. lol. it seriously looked like shit. ohh we caught a tiny crab, too. =] we found a lot of nice red stones too =) Emily, Daphne and I attempted to make sandcastles but no such luck. lol. we wanted to bury Emily cos she had a change of clothes and we wanted to bury someone but we decided to dig a hole and put her in instead and then we found something sticking out from the sand and we tried to pull it up but we only managed to break off the part sticking out and we thought it was a crab leg, lol. we were so freaked out lah, but come to think of it now, it can't be a crab, cos it was too far up inland. even with the high tide no water could reach it. the sea seemed clearer and cleaner since i last came. i went to the other side and found the water much clearer and the sand was much softer. I picked nice rocks and those Daphne didn't want i attempted to skip, with only two more successes, one once and another twice. Emily and Daphne went to change. they took so long, lol and i thought they pang seh-ed me. just when i was getting really emo they materialised again, lol.

we went to macs, where we waited for Emily's dad. He sent Daphne and I to Eunos MRT and we went to bedok where Daphne took bus 9 and i took "bus 11" [walk].

P.S. instead of kerosene you can use turpentine to wipe the black stuff away.

2008-08-01T19:31:00.010+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOEY LIM JIE MIN MY BESTEST FRIEND AND SIS EVER AND ERSTWHILE!!! ;DD

Haha i don't think she'll read that anyway, she doesn't blog. :(

Officially Grade 8 Today!!!;D

I can't believe it, i've been waiting for so so long for this day ;DDD

2008-07-31T20:08:00.002+08:00

I took 3 tests today. i'm super tired but this is like, really one of those important things you really really have to blog about.

#1 Maths common test:
argh, i didn't finish the paper. I think i took too much time at the first question. i was really slow at that point of time. there were 7 questions and i almost completed 7a :*(

#2 Violin exam (grade 7):
Went with JQ. i got a lecture from the security guard cos i passed the letter of excuse to my form teacher instead of him. haha. people were looking at us cos we were in school uniform and they probably thought we were ponning. lol. JQ's gonna take grade 6(piano) next year. i think i'm gonna take grade 8. i hope i can get diploma by the end of my secondary school life ;D

i wasn't really nervous when i was playing the pieces but i made a few mistakes and kicked and am still kicking myself about it. stupid mistakes.

my scales were okay, i guess, maybe even better than usual.

Argh. my sight-reading was horrible. execrable. atrocious. disgusting. like poop. shitty shitty bang bang. i started before i finished reading the whole passage so i was very unsure and that worsened my already horrible performance. i think i'm gonna fail this component.

Aural: Test 7a was surprising easy, given that i'm not very good at this. see, we're supposed to sing the lower part of the phrase. i'm not very good at that. but the tune was surprising easy to remember, so i only needed to get the starting note right to get it right.

the sight singing was also very easy, but i went kinda out of tune for the last 2 notes.

aww man don't even talk to me about the chords and cadences. i think i'll fail that part. argh i don't wanna talk about it. nor do i want to talk about modulation.

eeks 7d wasn't that good either but better that usual, given that i always take very long to answer the questions. but then again, teacher mandy always asks me the questions after she plays the passage, not before. the clapping was horrible, compared to my usual perfection. i hesitated at the last few notes. argh. i guessed that it was six-eight timing. i'm not sure.

at least i wasn't as nervous as i was during my mock exam. thank God. but i was getting more and more nervous as the examination progressed. lol. nvm. what's done is done, i can't kick myself for what i did in the past. now, time to move on =]

# AMC
i ran from Bedok central to AHS. ran up the Anglican chang cheng. lol. it's so much easier to climb if you run, take it from me. very little people realised i was back and when Mdm Norliza said oh Janice you're back Desmond was giving out the papers and he was looking at me like, when did you come back? lol. Ying Ling seemed to have another one of her 'personality makeover' s, as i like to call it, and Rachel was kinda mean to me. not that it's the first time it's happened. whatever. i'll just stay out of their way.

I hanged out with Charmaine and Xinjie, who, just became my new godsis. lol, now i have 1 god ma, 5 god sisters and 3 god bros. talked and drank and blah and blah.

i learned some songs from the book Vanessa lent me. it's so cool. lol the cover is black and there's "Secret" written in very nice script on the stave. nice pictures of Secret too. nice songs too ;D

haha i've written enough now bye ;D

2008-07-30T19:57:00.005+08:00

I cried in PE today. i suddenly felt very emo, namida ga afureta*.
Hannah and Jiaying and Elwin were very nice. Their concern was genuine, authentic.

But I never said a thing, even though Hannah kept asking so that she could change.
After all, I couldn't tell her that it was because I didn't have someone there for me, someone to cheer me on anytime i needed cheering. How could i? if she changed and was nicer to me, would that make any difference? after all, there's a reason why i'm excluded: because people don't like me that much. if she really included me in everything, it's just...fake. i'd feel it were, even if it weren't.

But I didn't say a thing. isn't it funny how, people only start listening when you stop talking?
I saw the way they cheered one another on, how popular they were, and i keep thinking, waiting. waiting...for the day i'll have something no one else has. But i already do. haha. i have my philosophy. but it's cost me friends. people don't like to listen to philosophy. they just wanna have fun. they don't wanna think. just wanna be happy. remain the way they are.

and i wanna tell them, stop floccinaucinihilipilificating my philosophy.

crying sure spoils your appetite. i should cry more. so i could slim down. I emo-ed at the piano the whole of first recess. but i must say, good music sure cheers me up. *not boasting*

I was in a better mood by second recess--by the end of first recess, in fact. I spent the second recess in D&T drilling holes in my work piece. and i stayed back after school to complete my desk tidy until 5 o'clock, so you can imagine how hungry i was. lol.

*namida ga afureta--and the tears poured out

finally, here's a song to cheer [myself] up:

HERO (Mariah Carey)

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

P.S. Pls pray for me, tmr is my violin exam.

P.P.S. Grade 7, just in case you wanna know.

2008-07-29T22:22:00.004+08:00

I did it. I completed RD challenge in 12 minutes. well, it was a sudoku puzzle, what do you think?
If you solved it within:
15 minutes, you're a true expert [that's me;D]
30 minutes, you're no slouch either
60 or more minutes, maybe numbers aren't your thing

lol but it was 3 star. haha, so much for that.

some band members day found out i could play piano today. I forgot to bring my flute cos at first we were supposed to do PW but then yesterday walking home i realised i didn't have enough time to complete my desk tidy on Wednesday cos of violin lesson with teacher Mandy. haha but i hardly did anything today. i feel so bad. Kevin Leman's right, middles do take too much time planning. Haha, i somehow managed to finish reading Twilight in between helping Melissa and listening to little snippets of the girls' conversation. lol. Before going home i decided to play a bit of piano and the the others were going home and then they found out i could play piano. yeah. Vanessa promised to bring the scores for the songs in Secret :D haha, I found out how to go home from the front gate (the short[er] way). :) and Jia hao wasted all his water on an up and coming ant nest.

I felt inspired to dig out my old violin songs and learn some new ones today so i spent a long time practising violin. Mummy bought durians ;D and we ate them chilled ;DD

gtg now
ciao!

2008-07-28T23:11:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Sarah, Lydia, Carol and Jonathan.
Phew, 28th July, I'll remember that.

Btw, here's the promised lyrics:
Alone
From Gensoumaden Saiyuki

kawaita kaze ga fuku
machi wa kogoete iru
ikutsu no kisetsu ga sotto oto mo naku sugisatta no darou

yukikau hito wa mina omoi nimotsu seotte
tooku ni yureru kagerou no naka ni ashita o mitsukeru

kono te o kobore ochiru suna no you na kanjou
ano toki mune ni sasatta
kotoba ga fui ni uzuku kedo

hatenai yoru o kazoe nagara
jibun no kakera sagashite ita
ushinau hodo ni kono omoi ga
tashika ni natteku
ima nara kitto aruite yukeru doko made mo

doushite kono sora wa
konna ni hiroi no darou
sakende mite mo
koe ni naranakute
namida ga afureta

jiyuu ni kaze kitte
toritachi wa doko e yuku no?
sugoshita jikan no you ni
onaji basho ni modorenai

kono mama yume o akirametemo
takanaru kodou osaekirenai
itsuka wa kitto chikazukitai
ano kumo no takasa
mou ichido kokoro ni tsubasa hiroge tabidatou

kanarazu tadoritsukeru hazu

hatenai yoru o kazoe nagara
jibun no kakera sagashite ita
ushinau hodo ni kono omoi ga
tashika ni natteku
ima nara kitto aruite yukeru doko made mo

English Translation:

A dry breeze is blowing
The city is getting cold
I wonder how many seasons have passed
without even a sound?

All of the people coming and going
bear heavy burdens,
searching for tomorrow
within the heat haze wavering in the distance.

Feelings like sand
falling through my hands...
Back then, the words that pierced my heart
suddenly started to throb with pain, but...

I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

I wonder, why is the sky
so vast?
Even though I tried to yell, my voice didn't come
and the tears poured out.

I wonder where the birds are flying off to,
as they freely slice through the wind?
One can't return to the same place
as it once was in days gone by.

Even if I give up my dream like this,
I won't suppress my soaring heartbeat.
Someday, I want to reach
as high as the clouds. 
I'll spread wide the wings in my heart and journey once again

I will reach it, without fail.

I've searched for pieces of myself,
counting the endless nights all the while.
These feelings are becoming so certain
I almost lose myself.
Right now, without fail, I will walk forward, however far.

In my shoes

2008-07-27T19:47:00.005+08:00

I'm a HSP. Highly Sensitive Person.
I have a hyperactive nervous system.
Sounds are amplified
Lights are magnified
Little cuts affect me greatly
Music moves me deeply
I'm conscientious
et cetera

You don't understand what it's like.
So don't think you do.

P.S. Jonny stop calling me a retard

Somewhere

2008-07-25T19:32:00.003+08:00

haha. No, I didn't eat durians today. stop bugging me about it.

I've been listening to a song lately. By Within Temptation, of course. Their songs are so nice. Though super high.
Here's a music video of Haldir from LOTR with this song ;D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D6ySNu50c4

Somewhere
Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign
Instead there is only silence,
Can't you hear my screams?
Never stop hoping,
Need to know where you are
But one thing's for sure,
You're always in my heart

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul

Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home
I want to embrace you and never let you go
Almost hope you're in heaven so no one can hurt your soul
Living in agony 'cause I just do not know
Where you are

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul

Wherever you are, I won't stop searching
Whatever it takes, need to know

I'll find you somewhere
I'll keep on trying until my dying day
I just need to know whatever has happened,
The truth will free my soul

I've been obsessed with "Alone" from Gensoumaden Saiyuki. But maybe another time. live in moderation yeah ;D.

realising my potential

2008-07-24T23:08:00.003+08:00

i just realised i can drink almost 3/4 of Chloe's water bottle in one shot.

and steal her Science Practical book 6 times, science file 6 times, chinese workbook 5 times, chinese textbook 4 times and her water bottle twice. (the second time i stole it i forgot that i stole it and forgot to return i until she realised it was missing[which was a very long time later].)

Until I eat durians again,
Ciao!

the disquiet

2008-07-21T21:39:00.004+08:00

Everyday it gets worse
the pressure
the notion
the nagging suspicion
that nobody likes me

everyday it gets worse
the irrepressible thoughts
the depression
the melancholy
the loneliness

Everyday it gets worse
the awareness
of their exclusivity
the subtleties
not so subtle anymore
the sensitivity
the oxyesthesia
their every move
a confirmation of my invisibility
Every blithe remark
like a slap to the face

Everyday it gets worse
but i believe one day
i'll smile again
this time with my eyes

Every day it gets worse
Yet every day it gets better

random post

2008-07-18T22:47:00.001+08:00

blah blah blah
neh neh nee poo poo
la la la
BOO HOO HOO
*whine*

just for once

2008-07-14T20:45:00.002+08:00

I don't want to hate anymore...

...it's tiring...

...makes me lachrymose.

don't want this anger anymore...

...makes me want to lash out...

...to hurt instead of get hurt...

...just for once...

...to be right...

...just for once.

don't want to be me anymore...

...just want to be insensitive...

...for once...

...think for myself...

...for once...

...be popular...

...for once...

...to be understood...

...just for once.

just for once.

once won't hurt...

...would it?

Loner of a girl

2008-07-08T20:24:00.002+08:00

It's hard to fit in
In a society of cliques
everyone's got their friends
no room for just one more
ostracism
segregation
Being arcane
ain't my choice
Invisible
Diaphanous
The loner of a girl
The story of my life

2008-06-30T21:07:00.002+08:00

Heyys
haven't posted for a long time
miss me?
I think not
lots happened in the past few days but i couldn't
post cos my mom didn't let me go on the comp.
fine so i did
i just didn't blog
forgot to
so janice

Saturday, 28/06/08
Violin mock exam (grade 7)
argh every component make mistake
i tell myself it doesn't matter cos it's just a mock exam
like whatever

A1-Presto
Argh! this song! how could I make a mistake???
I guess I was too nervous
I missed out one whole part cos i forgot to come in
and i couldn't come in in between cos i don't
usually make a mistake there
and I'm not very familiar with the piano on its own
forget it you won't understand

B1-Adoration
I performed this song when I was like, 10? 11?
so i chose this song opposed to Hungarian Dance
Eeks
Seriously? I'm bored of this song
but I have to practice cos, well,
its my exam song
i think this song was okay,
but some parts a little off

C3-Woogie Boogie
Eeks I kinda love-hate this song
It sounds wierd
but it's kinda nice with piano
argh i can't play jazz for nuts

Scales
Pian pian have to come out D major!
you know how high high high high D is?
man oh yah the last note for Adoration is high high high D
3 tied semi breves with fermata.

Ab major or something like that
thank God that came out
it may look difficult but actually all you have to do is
try it without looking cos when you look you get confused by
all the flats and double flats and naturals
well, in other words, accidentals
i kinda like it, somehow
i hope it makes up for at least one mistake

Arpeggios
B major
man i hate B major
the first D have to stretch like siao
why must come out this
but actually arpeggios are fun
you get to slide and jump or whatever

D major AGAIN!
ARGH I HATE D MAJOR!!!
my thumb have to stretch like siao
lol you say violin where got use thumb
to hold my hand there lah
haiyah very hard to explain
its like, ARGH i don't know how to explain

Chromatic scales
Starting on D
D!!!D!!!D!!!
okay lah but then when i shift the Ab and the B
sound the same

Starting on Ab i think
can't remember
can't remember anything

Dominant sevenths
Starting on G
a last a G
you probably thought G was non-existent
it's fine
i kinda like dominant sevenths :]

Starting on B
that's why i like dominant sevenths
cos B and D only 2 octaves
hahaha I'm nefarious
lazy more like

Diminished sevenths
can't really remember but i think it was D again
ugh
sheesh
bleah
whatever
I can't remember the other one

Sight reading
It was quite easy, really
I think i did fine

gtg now update next time

Growing up with the coterie [Memory]

2008-06-23T22:02:00.003+08:00

Church camp very long ago. It was somewhere around Parents' Day. The kids had a separate service. sorta. not really a service. more like...a rehearsal. They invited a clown and he blew balloons and made balloon sculptures. they were fascinated. They choreographed a sorta sing-and-dance thing for the parents. I remember I was somewhere at the end of the row, so I went in first but that is of no significant significance. I wasn't very enthusiastic about performing. I was the only one who didn't dance. I took a photo with my B.F.F.s ;D

Guess which I am. It would be quite obvious if you zoomed in cos my name is there. lol.

I was the quiet one. That's me. In an environment where only the talkative survive, I've survived, but barely. It's sorta better at church than in school, cos somehow I feel high in church but I'm emo in school. Face it, I'm a loner.

long time no see thought i mati?

2008-06-20T21:52:00.002+08:00

heyys
haven't posted for a long time
thanks for the birthday wishes ;D
this last week was hectic
went for IGNYTION
monday and tuesday and wednesday wake up 0630

wednesday SP course and IGNYTION clashed so
I went for SP course
I made new friends Lester, Rachel, Daniel, Nicholas
I saw Popular boy there
he's developed this new craze for chicken pie
still
he pretty much ignores me
we were in the same group
he says my name nice
it was fun

had lunch with Rachel, Daniel and Nicholas
Fred was emoing and he gave me a packet of Famous Amos
and said happy birthday but i didn't know whether it was for me or not
in the end i gave it to nicholas
who i guess it was really meant for

after SP course Jared, Joshua and Josiah and I
made our way to PL to catch the last part of Jamboree
part of IGNYTION
we wanted to play some of the games but by the time we reached
it was too late
Josiah went home cos he tt too late liao
when 3 of us entered we saw some people preparing for some event and
i actually forgot that other than my birthday it was also P. Thomas and auntie Rachel's
silver anniversary and when they said wow what's that i said some wedding? lol
but we still helped out and had a good time there
i met Josiah's contact (from street evangelism) Meifeng
too bad Josiah wasn't there
she's in band too ;D
3 of us (Shiwah, Joyce and I) fussed over her lol
but i think she's quite extroverted so that's okay cos
if she were introverted she be really traumatised

Asaph and I had to go back early to take care of my younger bro Peter cos
my parents were going to P. Thomas' silver anniversary!
lol can't believe i didn't remember that
my mom said the gymnasts were there
P. Thomas' goddaughters
man i wish i were there
i'd want an autograph
lol

My parents gave me a lecture cos I realised i couldn't go to violin lesson on time
cos it's at adam road and they just talk and talk and talk and lecture lecture lecture
and after that i emo-ed cos they're always "right" and they don't ever stop to listen whether
I may be right
just for once
I might know what's best for me
"politically correct", i call it
correct by default
supposedly correct
but not definitely
but i'm always politically incorrect
wrong by default
supposedly wrong
why can't i be right for once?

on thursday I couldn't go to SP class
don't ask why
so I went to PL and helped wrap presents
for Parents' Day
sweet irony
my parents don't let me go to SP class and I'm
wrapping presents for them
but hey, i got free lunch
I met Chris[cheong] there
we calculated that in total 1512 presents were wrapped
cool
he said if you're not mixed blood you
can't be good looking
ell oh ell
so he's implying he's good looking lol
he said usually you buy presents first then you wrap
but he wrap presents then buy
lol

I had band today
ming li asked who our chinese teachers were and said
die liao
my teacher is the slackiest
he talks about geylang all the time
and puts his hand at his pits
ming li ate potato chips in front of him once and i
did the chicken dance in front of him
the slacker

salad chicken rice is nice

2008-06-07T11:34:00.002+08:00

I'm going to Malaysia tomorrow. I'm going to miss d&d :((( I don't like going to Malaysia. I feel diaphanous there. They critisise me about my fashion sense, which in their opinion should be Malaysian. Then when we go visiting my cousins leave me alone and go play with their friends. They speak Chinese. I don't. What a tragedy. I have to miss d&d for something I don't like. I guess I'm TPFW (Too Pathetic For Words).

another random post

2008-06-05T13:57:00.004+08:00

I feel happy :D Jo said I did a great job for the script :DD
The lift upgrades are getting noisy. They're knocking down the parapets. They're at level 7 now.
I saw an obituary for Pastor Ee Lin's godma Pastor May Ling. My mom said she used to be in charge of Chinese Min. They're thinking of going to the funeral tonight.
Worship Team Kids are thinking of going to watch Prince Caspian on 21st and go ice skating before or after that ;DDD We're gonna have lots of fun ;DDDD

My Godma

2008-06-04T19:57:00.004+08:00

I'm doing the script for Project 678, as Bro Kah Fei likes to call it. Zhihe, Jo and Sara are busy so I have to do it. I've done Act 1a so far. I hope it's good. I have a headache. I just want to close my eyes and listen to the music. Chatting with Hannah Mama. Miss her. I joined d&d just when she left. tragic.D:

Life goes on, we cannot wait for others, don't mention ask others to wait for us. Time and tide waits for no man. life goes on. when our friends leave we must move on, however hard it may be, because if you don't you lose out in the end.

Hannah Oen, you'll always be my mama.

Perfection

2008-06-03T13:22:00.003+08:00

I'm listening to First Love Piano Version so nice. ;D. I wish I could play like that. My piano is de-proving but one day i will perfect Secret and Ignited Piano Version and First Love Piano Version and Ballade Pour Adeline and Tidus and Yuna's Theme and To Zarnakand and Mariage d'Amour and the long forgotten Beauty and the Beast and Somewhere Out There. Come to think of it, that's gonna take some time. and I'll perfect Paganini's 2 Caprices #16 Presto and #12 Allegro. But after my exam. I shall Perfect my exam pieces A1 Presto B1 Adoration C3 Woogie Boogie. Not to mention my scales and arpeggios and dominant sevenths and diminished sevenths and sixths double stops and octaves. *sigh* that's a long list. I'll learn the guitar for My Immortal and Jesu, Joy of Man's Desire on Flute. That sure is a lot to accomplish this hols. I don't think I can do it. Well let's just see, shall we?

This hols is dedicated to music.

affronted

2008-05-23T22:24:00.005+08:00

Yay the last day of school! I feel good, yeah. na na na na na, na na na na na...

the only fly in the ointment was that i found out fengshan put up the pictures of the 2007 top PSLE students but they didn't even call me up! I can't believe it, they left out the fourth! arrrgggghh!!!! never mind. i shall tolerate. 忍忍忍!!! i shall not complain. I'm not angry. I'm not angry! I'm PISSED! sheesh. how could they put up pictures of the first, the second, the third, the fifth, but not the fourth! they so crass. ignoble. hypocritical. nefarious. audacious. asinine. cantankerous. imprudent. supercilious. obdurate. pert. petulant. slanderous.

sheesh. sickening. surreptitious. lurid. poignant. riling. sanctimonious. depreciating. incongruous. litigious. disquieting. predilection. nepotism. euphemism. ludicrous. what a scathing innuendo. ugh.

I don't want to think about it anymore. it makes me vitriolic. mirthless. abject. vapid. diffident. tepid. lackadaisical. diaphanous. inconspicuous. invisible. emo. chagrined. riled. annoyed. irritated. depreciated. effaced. ennui. psychologically emaciated. flummoxed. nonplussed. incarcerated. nebulous. perfunctory. palpable. pliant. weak. arid. whatever. sheesh. ugh.

where's your sense of propriety?

PET Rocket Day!

2008-05-21T20:33:00.004+08:00

yes i know i'm one day behind so whatever.

'Today' was So fun. we made rockets! I paired with Jia Ying and we name our rocket JJY0206A. J for Janice JY for Jia Ying. 02 is Jia Ying's register number and 06 is mine. A for 1A! Here are some pics:

Jia Ying looking spastic, as she put it.

3..2..1..Whoosh!

JJY0206A :]

JJY0206A!
Janice Jia Ying 1A =)

Yay! we got drenched when JJY0206A took off but the water dried off quickly. It didn't hit the target but that's okay, we still had fun.

the reunion

2008-05-20T20:18:00.002+08:00

Yesterday:

Went to auntie Gan Hiong's house for a Chinese Worship Min gathering. Haven't seen the Adam group in a long time. We were the second family there and the corridor was so narrow that i scratched my arm on a protruding cactus. it only hurts when i touch it. but when i showed Joey she was like, EEEEE! Her family was the latest cos her dad's in Philippines so uncle Roland had to pick them up. We big kids (Eileen Pris Aaron Joey Kat and Me) went up to sit on the err...whatever. y'know, the platform between two floors? yeah. it was really airy and windy cos we were on the highest one. I finished my dessert and the wind knocked my bowl over and the dunno how many milligrams of longan and sea cucumber err...juice? and Eileen said it looked like a ghost. Kat said it looked like a dog's head. Joey took the spoon and flicked more (juice) we didn't know was there. They evaporated within one minute.

Pris, Kat, Joey and I came down first while Aaron and Eileen were still reading Archie comics. Pris is such a pro. Joey was so scared. She hasn't skated for like, 2 years. My roller blades were hurting my leg so Pris called home to ask Eileen to bring down a plaster. I used Joey's skates instead while she and Kat were playing badminton. we skated some time and then we decided to go back cos i kept falling down. I haven't skated for that long a time. by the time we got back Aaron was down and playing badminton with Kat. I joined Kat while Joey changed back into her skates. It was her turn. The strong wind kept blowing the shuttlecock to our left. Joey and Pris came back and sent Kat to go up and get money to buy drinks. Then they told us something they saw. That was one serious moment. Maybe if I had gone all the way to the end of the road I would have seen it but whatever. I'm always the ignorant one. Kat took a long time cos she had to change lots of notes for coins cos there was only a vending machine. I still remember that machine. They had one like that in Adam and it swallowed $2.20 of Joey and my money. We bought 2 cans of QOO and a lot of Coke. Joey told me no one understands QOO. Joey Kat and I walked the pebbles but it wasn't so bad for Joey cos she was wearing socks. Kat was screaming.

We shifted our stuff to a nearby playground. While we were shifting the stuff across the road some crazy driver almost knocked us down. then Eileen clung on to a pillar cos there was a slope and she was on skates it was so scary for her and some insensitive girl stared at her as if she were deranged. Eileen said walao why don't she try it it's so scary see what she do. I kept quiet. I do not like saying bad things about others. makes me wonder if others are doing the same to me. All of a sudden they started screaming and i knew it was a bug. I just didn't know where. It scared me because I didn't know how close it was. Then they started pointing and i saw it. it ws a cockroach. i thought it looked strange cos it's head was sticking out and it's feelers were standing up instead of in front of it. Eileen screamed. They all screamed except Aaron and I. Pris and Eileen skated around the void deck while the rest of us played crocodile. there was a mother and her little boy there and i heard her ask softly if we could include him and i felt bad for her cos it was too rough a game and the others didn't seem to hear her.

they're like that. we grew up together. we're a clique but i don't share all their memories. my dad left the chinese min for a while so i lost contact with them for a while. Many a time they talk about some camp and i don't remember cos i wasn't there. they're like that. they're so close they're exclusive. they always had someone there for them they don't understand how it feels to be left out. they fit in with themselves. they belong. i don't. i never did belong anywhere. they speak expletives like they're not saying anything vulgar. and i wonder what happened to them along the way.

When we got back almost everyone was gone except our families. we went into the room and played cheat and the game of life. i was the second highest in spite of being the second slowest. Then our parents interrupted our game and told us we were going home but we waited a long time for them. Adults. How tragic.

you wonder

2008-05-15T20:03:00.003+08:00

anything can make me piss these days. especially talking to my parents. i guess it's something in their tone and their lack of understanding and empathy.

you wonder. why adults are so inflexible. if one way doesn't work, they'll just keep pushing their way through, even if it never works, simply based on their mindset that they cannot go wrong. perseverance huh. and you wonder why you fail. you don't listen. you believe you'll always be right. you believe. sometimes you could believe something with all your heart but that won't make it real. and you wonder why you're wrong.

you wonder. why some are more liked than others. you don't listen. you make yourself heard but you forget the ones around you would want to talk too. and you wonder why you're ignored. you put others down in an attempt to make yourself look superior. you forget everyone's equal. you forget we're human too. and you wonder why nobody likes you in spite of your achievements.

you wonder.

Boy Crayzee

2008-05-13T08:33:00.002+08:00

Please don't get the wrong idea

5 Coolest Guys Eva (in church):
1) David Soo
2) Peter Soo
3) Joshua
4) Jeremy Matthews
5) Matthew Tang

5 Funniest Guys Eva (in church)
1) Joshua
2) Matthew Tang
3) David Soo
4) Darren Lee
5) Frederick Chan

Finally...
5 Smartest Guys (in church) (Based on PSLE T-score) (2007) (the people I know, that is):
1) Jonathan Kit [269]
2) Joshua Lee (not Joshua) [263]
3) Matthew Tang [261]
4) Darren Lee [254]
5) ??? [Conclusion? Boys are stupid.]

I did say, please don't get the wrong idea.

yayayayayay

2008-05-09T16:55:00.004+08:00

Yes, the boring old skin has changed. No, you didn't go to the wrong blog. Evangeline helped me change it in school today during chinese lesson. We were supposed to go online and try out some test but pretty much everyone was going to blogs and all. After minutes of meticulous picking, we finally found a nice one. Lets give Evan a round of applause! yay! I'm still trying to remember and find all the links. Tell me what links I missed out 'kay ;D Love you people!

through my eyes

2008-05-05T21:06:00.003+08:00

I didn't exactly wake up moody today, but i got frustrated when i got to school cos the rest were just so distracted. in my opinion, that is. apparently they were not. in theirs, that is.

the music projects were just so creative. Miss Cheok was so pissed with us because a few groups didn't give her the list of instruments and they needed the laptop but she dind't bring it cos she didn't think it was needed. apparently it was. first up was the 'hawker centre' group. that is, they had to put together a performance of around 1 minute plus contouring the theme 'hawker centre'. that was pretty much the funniest, in my opinion. they went taptaptap on their pots and pans and then
Kenzie: *whistle*
Bai Chuan: Kopi 'O' (something)
Kenzie: mee siam mai hum
Yu Yang: 虾面不要虾
Selina: Wantom Mee mai hiam
Denise: 鸡饭不要鸡
LOL. that was the funniest. Next up was a walk in the park. i mean the group. we didn't walk around the park. they borrowed Miss Cheok's high heels lol. not bad, but i didn't really catch that. apparently there was this deviant[my word] stalker stalking this lady. deviant. next up was us. Hannah ws like, so nervous and after that Miss Cheok said so nervous for what? i played the guitar and was one chord late at the end cos they didn't wait for me D: Halfway through at the dudududududu part everyone started laughing and i didn't know why because i was concentrating so hard on playing. later i was to learn that it was Joven's dududu-ing that caused them to erupt in roars of laughter(?!?sounds funny). Claudia said she turned and saw him not singing and then he suddenly dududu. looking so innocent was the thing. the x-factor, the...whatever. Just like Hannah Chong once said, I would never forget Joven's Dududu. After us was the construction site(impromptu) group(or was it before?). they just went to the keyboards and dang dang dang dong dong dong ding ding ding tat tat tat dang dong ding tat. but it was actually quite good for an impromptu performance. Night group! I couldn't really see the link between what they did but later Sherilyn told me it was what they did at night. Miss Cheok, though, could see it. Well, she had the project descriptor. then it was the rain forest group. WOO HOO!!! they, like Miss Cheok said, interpreted it differently from how we would interpret it at first. they were like, tribal dancers but i thought they were a little unnatural. in fact, we were all unnatural. but it was so good. Yue Ren did a cartwheel and Guang Jun pumped dunno how many times. diamond too. His feet kept slipping on the smooth wooden floor and stymied his otherwise wonderful performance. then hawker centre group performed again cos they actually cut off some cos they didn't have enough time.
Kenzie: *whistle*
Bai Chuan: Kopi 'O' (something)
Kenzie: mee siam mai hum
Yu Yang: 虾面不要虾
Selina: Wantom Mee mai hiam
Denise: 鸡饭不要鸡
LOL!!! We got toffees cos it's Miss Cheok's last week with us. Then she's gonna fly to another school to be a 'permanent' teacher. she also gave out papers summarising what we learned in the 10 weeks she was here. at the bottom she wrote something like from the teacher old enough to be your mother. technically she's right. Girls become nubile at around...the difference between her age and our age but morally she's not. we don't think she is, anyway. not from our point of view.

Lots of other bizarre stuff happened today but there's not time to tell it all so tata for now. Ciao!

introspection

2008-05-04T17:04:00.007+08:00

typing really fast cos this is gonna be verbiage.

i went to church @ 7, as usual and i was soo bored cos there was nobody there. i went to the quiet corridor to get some sleep. lol. not lie down on the carpet, sit down and try to sleep. Carolyn said Preteens was cool. @ the Adam side, that is. she last week or something. Bernice was looking feminine today. She said Jasmine was her alarm clock. I joined the grads for their prayer cos i was bored. we had to use the corridor to pray cos the leaders were using the classroom.

Fuel was fun. during the prayer Bro ZC said we should agree. adds to the atmosphere of faith and encourages the person praying or something. We played pepsi cola for gel. i was the first ousted in my group ): David and Peter came after the gel. We were given this analogy like, lets say you were given $2, 678, 400 and were supposed to spend it within 1 month or the money would expire. My group decided to combine our money and spend it together. Bro Kah Fei asked our group and they kept pushing the mike and somehow i got it. I'm always the 'extroverted one', the one who did the group cheer in front of the whole of IGNYTE during 'Hungry? Get Fed Up!' only to get chee cheong fan sauce. CHEE CHEONG FAN SAUCE!!! i read out what we planned to spend the money on:

#A big house for all of us to stay in
#10% for tithes
#4 PSPs
#i phone
#i touch
#i pod
#Apple laptop
#Mac laptop
#dog
#hamster
#flute
#saxaphone
#drum set
#grand piano
#guitar case
#maid
#furniture
#utensils
#1 sound-proof room(for music)
#et cetera (I can't remember)

Then Bro Kah Fei asked David what he planned to spend his money on and he said, "Buy a farm." LOL!
"What are you going to grow?"
"Vegetables."
"So that you can feed yourself. Cool."
LOL. Everyone was laughing. The sec 1 girls said they were going to buy a vehicle that everyone could fit in and someone said the magic school bus! LOL. Then they were going to buy a big house and a gold-plated bathtub. And then they were going to migrate to Australia and leave the big house and gold-plated bathtub in Singapore. And travel around the world in 800 days. LOL. 80 days, 800 days. Bro Kah Fei said he liked the 'buy a farm' idea the best.
"Who's going to cook the vege then?"
"Josiah!"
LOL. Everyone was laughing. See, my crush has a good sense of humour. ;D. I met a new girl, too. Her name's Melissa. they talked about time management and Bro Kah Fei read from

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.1
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embarrass--whoops! (lol) Stop embarrassing me!--embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Poetic. Bro Kah Fei said it was a 4-4 time.
we were supposed to write out what we did the previous week and Bro Kah Fei joked about Bro ZC's schedule.

0830-1000: Lord thank you for a whole day of food...
1000-1200: breakfast
1200-1500: lunch
1500-1800: tea break
1800-2000: dinner
2000-2100: supper
2100-2200: TAWG (Time Alone With God)

LOL! My schedule was dedicated to music cos i couldn't remember what i did other than prac violin, piano, guitar and flute. and, of course, sing whenever i have the time or the capacity.

After fuel Bro ZC talked to us cos we were very distracted during fuel and service these few weeks and they said if we were stressed or anything we can go talk to them(leaders) cos they care. i'm not stressed cos there's no exams for me. He's not stressed either! YAY! This calls for a celebration! lol i'm so lame. Later i learned from Miranda that our buzz (other than Nadia[cos she didn't come], Melissa and I) got a scolding from Sis Michelle cos apparently they talked among themselves and left Melissa out.

Sarah and Lydia and Sis Michelle were manning some counter about pass it on cards. He was making one. He was like, writing and writing but there were so many people i couldn't see what he was writing. walking along the corridor, i spotted MATTHEW TANG MUN CHONG! we were walking towards each other and he saw me but i quickly looked away. i wasn't going to acknowledge him. nope, i won't. As i was going inside LT1 I saw him again. he saw me too and was about to say hi but i quickly looked away again as if i didn't see him. Melissa and Neysa both wanted to sit with me and Elicia wanted to exchange places with me because SOMEONE was sitting behind me.
Yup! Elicia wanted to switch with me cos she wanted to talk to Josh. but she also wanted to sit with Debi. Neysa wanted to sit with Debi and Me and Mel wanted to sit with me too. Besides, David was sitting so close! I knew whatever decision i made someone would be disappointed. so i just let it remain the way it was. Through the worship time i was kinda thinking about everything and i wondered why my mind always strayed during worship time though i knew exactly why. i hate it, the feeling of being helpless. the weakness. the knowledge of the source of the problem and the inability to do anything about it. that's me. i can't do anything when i don't feel like it and the Devil knows it and he manipulates me. he knows it. the devil's ANDROGYNOUS! random. the inability to make anything alright at all, the inability to make everyone happy, so poignant, so disquieting. i thought of the last time [i couldn't actually think of the last time cos i knew that had happened before but i couldn't remember who] 2 people ever wanted to sit with me at the same time and i knew i should feel glad that they like me but instead i just felt unhappy that i could not make everyone happy cos someone was still unhappy, that whatever i did i would disappoint someone. and then i thought of Matthew and i knew i didn't really hate him that much. i never was one for holding grudges. well, i thought about a lot of chim things but i can't remember anything now. At some points of time i turned around because the group of cute boys behind me were so distracting, especially when PDa talked about the time he was obsessed over swimming. Jeremy's a swimmer. So is MATTHEW TANG MUN CHONG. Haha. i like writing his name in caps cos i can vent my dislike for him on the keyboard. it has a psychological effect. just like chocolate. Anyways, back to the boyzz. They're so cute. In their own ways. I can see why Elicia likes Joshua. and I thought Jeremy was pretty cute too :) But David is HANDSOME!!! And Peter looks kinda mischievous kinda cute cos of his eyebrows. LOL I know David and Peter are identical twins but i can distinctly see the difference. I've observed them that much. Admit it, Zane. you're not sane, you're BOY CRAYZEE!! Actually, I'm Janice. LMAO!!!

After service i made a pass it on card that went "may the force be with you." that was just me being lame and i hate myself for it. I hate myself for being so lame. Matthew finally caught me. well he just said hi and i said hi back and i don't remember what else he said cos i was mentally kicking myself for being so soft-hearted. he didn't even say sorry. well i can't expect him to since he didn't even know what was wrong but i'm so pissed with myself for being so nice to him even though he picks on me at every opportunity, which is incomprehensible, i don't understand why he seems to hate me so but he said he doesn't. it's unfathomable why i forgive him so easily why i'm so nice to him. i kick myself for being so soft to someone who has depreciated me over and over how he can get away with it i don't understand it seems i'm the only person he picks on i don't understand why i cannot comprehend i cannot fathom i just don't understand...

why?

why?

why?

Quit being emo.

at the bus stop Elicia and I saw Gladys. she was waiting for her bro. When we got on the bus we stood so we saw her brother at the next stop. lol. we called her and she said he had called her so she waited for the next bus. sad. two busses had just gone. tuition was fine. I hardly talked other than the time Li Lao Shi asked me a question cos i didn't talk at all. I don't have any close friends in tuition. the closest is Jonathan and he hardly talks to me anyway. But I have God. God is omnipresent. that's nice to know. (:

Quiz time!

2008-05-03T14:30:00.010+08:00

1.What will I be most focused on most of the time?
lots of stuff, but mostly daydreaming

2.What do you want the most now?
a fitting guitar case

3.What do you want to be when you grow up?
psychologist ;D

4.Do you think you have enough confidence?
erm...no?

5.If you have a dream to come true, what will it be?
for someone i love to love me back

6.If you could go to any place you want, where would you go?
Heaven

7.What is your goal for this year?
master 24 caprices no. 16 by Paganini(violin),Ballade Pour Adeline(piano) and Jesu, Joy of Man's Desire(flute)

8.Do you believe in eternity love?
a little, I guess

9.What feeling do you like the most?
the feeling i get when i help someone or make someone happy

10.What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
make me laugh, understand me, empathetic, tolerating, etc.

11. What feeling do you hate the most?
anger, because i know i'm hurting someone and i can't stop

12.Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
most

13.Do you believe in god?
yes, duh

14.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
friends, duh

15.Who do you hope to be always there for you?
friends

17.Who cares for you the most?
God and mummy and daddy

18.Do you think " LOVE " is stupid?
not really, no

19.Who do I hate the most now?
MATTHEW TANG MUN CHONG

Randomly remove one question from above, and add in your own question, make it a total of 20 questions. Tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chatbox that he/she has been tagged and whoever does the tag will have blessings from all people.

1) HANNAH
2) CLAUDIA
3) SELINA
4) JASMINE
5) DEBI
6) RACHEL
7) NAMIRA
8) CARLENE

p.s. updated 'music project'. now you can see what stupid things we did.

music project

2008-05-01T18:37:00.007+08:00

today i went to hannah's house to do music project. claudia and hannah wore matching clothes. lolz. they must have esp. then i taught hannah how to play when you say nothing at all on guitar and she said sth like omg so nice when i grow up i want to marry a guy who knows how to play guitar. lolol. taught claudia too and they said oww my fingers can't take it i only pressed for a while but janice prac and prac so much. And claudia is made for strumming. :) hannah said she'd teach me drums :D and we kinda taught nicola and joven to sing. lol. i don't think they got it. anw these kind of things you can't teach in a day. i didn't learn it in a day either. went blog surfing. and hannah said she'd start playing viwawa. :)) we sat around and talked then we started saying ronaldo likes girls who...lol. and we tried to teach joven to sing. i shall never forget. he looked so funny and sounded funny. lolz. Still waiting for the photos hannah took. show you next time kayys:D

Truth or Dare

2008-04-27T19:06:00.002+08:00

LOL I don't have much time to post so sorry if I end off halfway.

During 'study time' we were actually playing Pink Jenga because none of us actually wanted to study. lol. i prefer the other Jenga, the one I have at home but most of the blocks are missing. Before service Elicia and I played Truth or Dare and we both ended up doing funny things like first I slapped her on her cheek because Jared dared me to. He joined us for a while but only for a while because Elicia wanted me to kiss him on the cheek and he said we were obscene. lolz. then next she dared me to hold a boy's hand and say 'i love you' so I did it to Jon cos he's the only one I know and it would be so ps if i said it to a stranger cos after all still love him as a friend right? so technically that statement is true. but then again, if i said it to a stranger he wouldn't get the wrong idea but Jon won't. You won't right, Jon? Then I dared her to do all sorts of funny stuff and she said to her crush 'I'm in love with your eyes' and 'I'm in love with your hair' and 'marry me' LOLZ. I was super high and I kept greeting my friends with an energetic HII!!! and Sarah said she didn't know whether i was annoying or irritating. But she said it nicely. so does she dislike me? I dunno.

After service was like, fun. I met Rachel from AH and Benjamin from VS. And then I met the King siblings and I was like, HHIIIII!!! and Jared was like HHHIIIII!!! back and he copied me D:. lolz and then we just kept waving at each other. every time i put my hand down he also put his hand down. lolz. I met Elicia and Jing Yun and one more person I forgot who and I found out that Elicia also took 76 or 43 and I was like, how come never see you? lolz. we sat at the back of 76. it was like, cool cos it's new. i like new buses. they're clean :D and spacious :D.D.

gtg now bye!
Muacks!

i'm okay

2008-04-25T16:39:00.003+08:00

yay. i saved $15 today :D

went to tm after school with Sherilyn and Jing Yi. :DD Sherilyn learnt how to make a straw heart :DDD We bought gummies and marshmallows at minitoons :DDDD I got the cute plastic bag because I finished my sweets last :DDDDD Moral of the story? Savour your food. I'm smiling a lot today :DDDDDD Oh no I'm getting influenced by Rachel. Is that a bad thing? No :DDDDDDD She has her charms, but I'm not as cute as her. So I guess that's a bad thing, because people will think I'm acting cute. Today Elwin said I act cute. Whatever-.- But then I feel happy :DDDDDDDD

I'm okay, you know. i just get lonely sometimes. I'm okay, really.

random post

2008-04-24T21:42:00.002+08:00

my blog is like, so dead.

why do i keep thinking that tomorrow is sunday?

who's heard of russell peters? he's like, the best stand-up comedian i've ever seen. just a little vulgar and racist.

i listened to the song collide be howie day. not bad. i like the chorus. verse so-so bah.

jermaine says she wants to slaughter jonathan. (scary music) WATCH OUT, JONNY! PONTIANAK COMING! though how she'll find you beats me.

Peter was busy D: missed another amusing chat with him. he never talks to me on sunday D: actually he doesn't really talk to me on msn either. i just talk to him. i know i'm annoying and proud of it. (lol)

unlovable

2008-04-21T16:21:00.002+08:00

i don't understand.

am i very unlikeable?

you say i'm not.

but sometimes it feels as if i am.

why do the popular people seem to hate me?

matthew disliked joshua but it seemed as thought i'm the only one he argues with.
ying ling seems to detest me.

am i that unlikeable?

what am i lacking?

charisma, that's for sure.

sometimes i just feel as if people hate me.

i really wish i were more confident.

i hate it, sticking out like a sore thumb.

everyone either has their primary school friends or made friends fast.

just my luck that my primary school friends dumped me when everyone else already had their cliques.

sometimes i just want to curl up and die...

sometimes i just want to go to sleep and not wake up.

sometimes i want to be like the characters in the books i read, just because there are always happy endings.

sometimes...

sometimes...

i don't know.

i really don't.

Suh Sorray

2008-04-17T21:31:00.002+08:00

Dear viewers,

As there is a problem with my internet, I can only post I can't edit or even view my blog so I hope you understand if I don't reply your tags and all.

Yours Sincerely,
Janiz

can only imagine

2008-04-17T21:18:00.001+08:00

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By Your side
I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When Your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

{Chorus}:
Surrounded by Your glory,
what will my heart feel
Will I dance for You Jesus
or in awe of You be still
Will I stand in Your presence
or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah,
will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son
I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine.
I can only imagine

(Chorus)

a friend is...

2008-04-17T20:05:00.002+08:00

Today for CD we pondered through one another's definition of a friend.
A friend...

#is someone who sticks with you when everybody else leaves.
#is someone who understands.
#is someone who will not complain if I called at 3am.
#is someone who i can be myself with.
#in need is a friend indeed.

Over and over it was the same thing so there isn't much. If i left out anything tag me k :D

(Untitled)

2008-04-10T21:03:00.003+08:00

My Jap name is Zukatokimiku. :]. I did a Jap gambling game called Chou-Han Bakuchi for the English homework and since I use a Jap name I decided to find out what name I suits me.

A- ka * B- zu * C- mi * D- te * E- ku * F- lu * G- ji * H- ri * I- ki * J-zu * K- me * L- ta * M- rin * N- to * O-mo * P- no * Q- ke * R- shi *S- ari * T-chi * U- do * V- ru * W-mei * X- na * Y- fu * Z- zi

Cool huh? Creat your own name and tag me! XD.
Yours coolly,
Zukatokimiku

had a bad day

2008-04-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

yeah, as you can tell from my title, i had a bad day.

one thing that really set my time bomb off was that i failed my maths test. only two people failed. i hardly talked for the rest of the day. i'm starting to hate maths. i mean i really try but there's always some careless mistake. i can never get it all right. such a fault is unacceptable for a perfectionist like me. even worse there's no way to vent my frustration. when i feel emo i play piano but i just can't concentrate and i make more mistakes and then i get even more frustrated. i guess you can say it's a good thing mum made me cut my nails cos if not right now i would probably be scratching my arm raw. i want something to punch but everyone's watching there's no room to breathe. there's no way to just let it out. sometimes i feel as if i can't even breathe without someone noticing.

felt emo for the rest of the day.

i had violin lesson at 1745. stupid perfectionist. why is he always picking out every single slip up? crazy old man. i don't care if you were in sso first violin you're crazee anyway.

Ghost pontianak bloody mary whatever

2008-04-02T20:49:00.003+08:00

We told ghost stories in class today. ACC, HCL, FTI, etc.
Claudia told us 3 spine chilling stories her cousin told her. They're very scary. I don't even want to think about it. and Elwin told us 2 personal accounts. I told them about the fengshan lift one and the army one that Hui Xin told me once. The 40 39 41 39 39 one. That one is scary. Selina told us some and Denise told us her brother's experience. cool. Joven told me some snippets of The Ring cos I don't dare to watch. He said the ending quite scary. It does sound scary.
Brr suddenly there's a cold wind lolz maybe it's a ghost.

Yesterday

2008-03-31T21:05:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was a really good day to blog about. Okay, this is gonna get verbiage so hang in there.

My alarm clock failed to wake me up at 0630 so my dad woke me up at 0649. I didn't have much time to decide what to wear so I threw on the black long sleeves that I had worn to the concert Friday. My jeans were too loose so I grabbed one of my three belts, which happened to be pink. Hot pink. There wasn't much time and my black shoes were much too troublesome, so i wore my pink shoes. Sheena and Daniel rode with us in the car.

When we got to church Sheena and I went to pop in on our neighbour Shell just next door and after making our purchases we sat at the wooden benches outside Funky B, where I was to finish my chinese tuition homework and Sheena played word search. She was soon to discover my long buried talent for word search. Word search brings back memories, especially the one of Matt, Fred and I squeezing in the spacious corridor outside the classrooms playing Matt's word search. It was the only time I was that near to him. Matt, I mean. I don't call him TewTew like the others do. I think it's way too kiddy for him. He may look it but he's not. Okay, back to the present. When Hans was open we went in to have part 2 of our breakfast, after which I sent Sheena to DL. Lol. part 2. The lady at the counter remembered me as the girl who used to help out at the 4-6s. I don't even recognise her. Don't you think it's strange, the way sometimes people know you but you don't know them. I went down to the first floor to get a drink and this CH was standing a the door and opening doors and saying,"Welcome to service" Cool. IGNYTE doesn't have that. Our welcome is only limited to just outside LT1. Then I looked at him and he looked back and i said good morning. Then we started talking like,
"You used to serve in DL right?"
"Yeah." I'm ignored and out of the blue people remember me.
"What school you from?"
"Anglican" Anglican High School. AHS. You know why it's called Anglican HIGH? because if it were Anglican Secondary, it would be ASS. Geddit?
"Oh Anglican. Do you play basketball?"
"No. I'm not good at sports."
"Oh. I had a niece and a nephew there, but they've gone on to JC. You live in Bedok?"
"Err...Yeah"
"So which primary school did you come from?"
"Fengshan"
"Gongshan?"
"No, Fengshan."
Blah blah blah. I'm so rude. I'm not really rude. If you were there then you would have known. I'm just shy. You might b surprised. You think i'm extroverted. Slightly more at church. But I have an irrational fear of talking to adults. Somehow.
I went up to FUEL early. Sis Gwen saw me and my book and she asked, "You read a lot?" Yeah. She looked at the blurb:

I handed my school photograph to my mother. She stared from the photograph to me.
"Lord, sweet Lord how come she so ugly. Ugly. Ugly."

"Oh no! Why did she say that?" I shrugged. I did not, after all, fully comprehend why. Sure, I knew that Constance was ugly and she came at the wrong time and all but why would a mother do that to her child? She could read it on her own. After all, she seemed to express interest in it. Jaslyn asked what book it was and Elicia said,"Ugly!" in that kind of tone and Sis Gwen said, "No! You can't judge a book by it's title! This is a very inspiring book!" Cool. Then she asked what parts I could identify with and I thought for a while and said I didn't know. "HUH? You read without.." I didn't really catch the last part. We played 回来吧 for gel.

They cut their hair. The twins, I mean. They came in a little after gel started, as always. I was quite surprised. I thought that their previous hairstyle suited them better. Their new crew cut was not that bad but not that great either. But I got used to it after a while. Peter's clothes went very well with his new hair cut while David covered his head for a while with his hoodie as if he was embarrassed about it.

I got off FUEL early as I was serving SOF. When I reached Alex was already there with the stern-faced guy in charge of CH. I asked Alex if she wanted to set up the chairs but she said, "No, wait till your brother gets here and let him to the heavy work. Whoops! Don't tell him I said that." I promised her that I wouldn't. A while later, Alex and the stern-faced guy were engaged in an attempt to undo each other's shoelaces. It was quite comical, really. Turns out they're cousins. I think. I got up and took a little walk along the corridor and met Lydia, who was serving CH. She said I wear the same shirt every week. Do I? I racked my brains for what i had worn the previous week but to no avail. Then Sarah came along and said the same thing. Huh. Maybe they had ESP. But they're not identical twins. Maybe ESP is really developed when you stay in the womb with someone else for nine months. Bull. I was very sure that i had not worn the same shirt the week before, though. Then Daniel got there and Alex told him to set up the chairs and I told her I didn't tell. "WHOOPS!" lol.

I saw a girl sitting on a chair eating skittles and I wished I had one. Later I saw Alex sitting with her so I went up and said SKITTLES! Skittles offered me one so I took one then Alex said Before you eat that what's her name? whoops. So I asked her name. She's like, just about the 5th Jasmine I know. I asked her if she knew my name and she said Janice. Wha--how'd she know my name? and Alex said Name tag, dear. lol. I'll remember that next time. Alex talks to some people and somehow the topic changes to girls liking pink and I said no, i like black. Yeah. I punched my fists in the air and in the process revealing my hot pink belt. They said Pink belt! and Pink Shoes! Oops!

Somehow I was unable to jump during service. I wondered what happened to me. I had been very 'high' before service but I suddenly withdrew into my shell. Then came the FTV time. I took the front left area. Why is it that every time I serve SOF no one stands up? I feel like a jinx. We watched Joseph and the Technicolor Coat. I was thinking it's such a strange name cos technicolor sounds so modern. Altar call was for those who needed a touch from God, etc. I don't even know myself anymore. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know God's plan for me. I don't know...

I met Second Time Visitor Jackie from PLMGS. She's in the same class as Jasmine Quek. They brought a friend. I wanted to go over and say hi but they were all boys and I would feel pretty much out of place. I caught Sarah and told her I remembered wearing my white band tee the week before so she couldn't say I wore black all the time. Asaph gave me some pink wet thing that Chris Yip gave him that was supposed to be dry and fluffy. Asaph kept the dry one for himself. :(. I saw a brown thing and smelled it. It smelled like chocolate. Somehow Chris had spilled melted chocolate on it. I showed Lydia and she said eew.

I ordered a chicken carbonara at Hans and sat outside. There weren't seats inside. I only got my food at 2+ because the tables outside don't have numbers so the person couldn't find me. lol. Welcome To The Trinity Family (WTTTF) started at 2:30. Hey I was early. I gobbled my food cos I was afraid I would be late. But I was still early.

WTTTF was quite fun. P. Gary or Bro Andy told us that he used to think that the grape juice was really wine and only found out two years later that it was really grape juice. lol. PDa told us of how he used to persecute Christians and ask them stupid quiestions until they cried like If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big that even he cannot move? the answer? It's not important! Love that answer. Sis Gwen talked about tithings and she borrowed 50 bucks from Bro Sam and drew and analogy like Tithing is like let's say I'm Gaddell's(Gadell, Gadelle, whatever) mother and I give you $50 so you return 10%. Then she said you can keep the money and Bro Sam was like, I need that to buy something. I didn't really catch that.

After WTTTF I came out of the classroom and guess what? I saw Them with 50 bucks. David still hadn't taken out his hoodie. Doesn't ha ever feel hot? Oh yeah, he's a hottie. I followed them to the bus stop and took 70m with them and followed them to the mrt station, where the 50 bucks took a train heading towards Boon Lay. The twins didn't take mrt. The whole time i was following them I was reading my book.

to become a better person

2008-03-23T19:02:00.007+08:00

This is my pledge to turn over a new leaf. I made it myself :D. Inspired by Rev Wilson Teo because he preached about our having power over the devil and how we should not be oppressed by them. And lots of others like passer by and Claudia ;D Love ya guys!

I shall try not to be emo, depressed, pessimistic, vitriolic or hypochondriacal
But I shall show exuberance, exhilaration, and ebullience
(Because i've had enough of feeling unhappy.)

I shall not be vapid, mirthless, abject, or diffident,
arid, ennui-ed, perfunctory or lackadaisical
but show aplomb, assiduousness, audacity, and spontaneity.
(because no one is perfect and I want to enjoy life while acknowledging the fact that i'm human)

I shall not be easily chagrined or riled or take umbrage (because I hate to hurt others' feelings.),
but instead assuage, palliate, and extenuate (err...is that good?)

I shall not affront, berate, castigate, scathe or slander,
eschew, efface, segregate, or depreciate (I've been there before and i'm not gonna let that happen to others.)
Instead I shall edify, encourage, help, build someone up

I shall not be impertinent, petulant, cantankerous or imprudent, (you don't want to rile others for not reason at all)
But I shall be prudent, pertinent, polite and sweet ;D (Why are there so little good words?)

I shall not stymie anyone from coming to know God
But bring others to Christ.

I shall not be obdurate
I shall take criticism with a smile.

I shall not make any conjectures.

God, please help me accomplish all this:P.

For those lazybums who don't want to bother to check those words:

I won't be emo, I will get a life, I will not be easily annoyed, I will not scold anyone harshly, I will not be rude, I will not be an obstacle to those who want to know God, I will not be stubborn and I will not jump to conclusions.

speaking of friends

2008-03-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

I positively hate matthew tang and gang. hey that rhymes. i know i just read passer by's tag but there are some things you feel sometimes that it's just something you absolutely have to write about and this is it.

I just don't understand why i say so many good things about him. he makes fun of me and says scathing things to me he doesn't behave like that to other people he totally ignores me i hate him i don't understand why he seems to hate me when he says he doesn't maybe he just doesn't like me and i wish i could ignore him but i can't cos my friend wants me to tell him about her. i'm just a shadow, joining him and her. maybe it's claudia's fault for telling them that i liked him but that was a long time ago and it was a just little crush but they don't know that. i know i can't let them know that i know they knew but i don't know why i can't but i just can't. maybe if they didn't actually know but suspected which is quite impossible cos they seemed to know definitely they seemed so confident i would be giving it all away. the game would be over and my life there. i wouldn't be able to survive there anymore. i know they'll just tell everyone and everyone will know and they'll be laughing at me behind my back.

arrogantly, mockingly, snobbishly.

clandestinely, furtively, quietly.

silently, secretly, everyone will remember. No one will forget. it'll be there, buried in the deep of their minds, just like any other incident, but it'll be there. it doesn't take much to dig it up. when they think of me they'll think of it.

I'm just a shadow. a shadow does not exist in the eyes of the world. it is just darkness. darkness cannot exist without light. the shadow is darkest when the light is brightest. i'm just an effaced, depreciated shadow, non-existent in this world.

black, black day

2008-03-21T21:07:00.003+08:00

Stupid comp is lagging. Everything pisses me off lately. friends, family, comp, violin, piano, practically everything. Never mind, stop talking about emo stuff.

What started out as good ended as bad. Happens all the time. typical.
Went to macs with family. at the carpark my dad stopped for a while to let us find macs while he parked the car. it was just a short while but the car behind us honked. that pissed me off quite a bit. i felt like giving the driver a hand signal. or maybe my evil eye. or maybe a flying kiss so the girl beside him would slap him. or buy a penknife and slash his tyres. Breakfast was not bad. peter knocked over somebody's ice milo. Random.

went to pasir ris park to visit mangrove swamp. saw quite a few crabs and 2 mudskippers. so cute. they kinda remind me of peter(soo). no wonder his msn is mudskipper. lol. peter was quite eager to go home. he was clamouring, in fact. saw quite a lot of spiderwebs too.

had lunch at auntie helen's workplace (aka some coffee shop which its name i didn't even bother to find out). i spilled sarsi on my shorts>( it looked as if i peed in my pants.

escaped home to change before going to visit auntie irene. played sims something with zoey and joey. i felt emo cos no one talked to me or even noticed that i changed my hairstyle except nattie and auntie amy. lol when auntie amy commented that i changed my hairstyle joey said i changed it long ago. sweet irony. i just changed it last trip to malaysia and i hadn't seen her since. lol.

finished reading eclipse. *sigh* now i wouldn't have anything to read tomorrow. unless i go to the library before church. i hope i can find the books i want. Ugly by Constance Briscoe and If I Am Missing Or Dead by Janine Latus. And I'm going to buy Escape by dunno who on Sunday with the $5 popular voucher and some money. i'll have lots of books to read then. practiced mariage d'amour and to zarnakand. my parents just don't understand. can't they empathise with me? can't they see that i won't do anything else until i get a song right? nothing likes cooperating with me nowadays. i wonder why *sarcastic*. No one understands me. i'm just a shadow moving in and out of in others' lives.

Shadow

2008-03-20T20:50:00.003+08:00

how much one can keep behind closed doors?
how many secrets one can hide from the world?
have you ever thought of the ones around you, whether they're feeling down or up, whether something's going on behind the mask?
have you ever tried to make someone smile, to know someone, to let that person feel loved?
ever tried making things right?
to make someone happy, must one first Be happy?
ever been left behind?
talked but no one listened?

Oh, lots, if one is strong enough, but it all comes out in the end.
lots too, as long as one is silent enough.
yeah, but mostly i'm always wrong.
yeah, but no one thinks i understand.
yeah, but i'm usually the one who makes them go wrong.
dunno.
yeah, sure, what do you expect when you're invisible?
lots of times, and lots of times the people i talk to just turn away and talk to others or ask me to wait and then they just turn their attention away from me. maybe i'm boring. i know i am.

This is my life. My pathetic, diaphanous, transparent, unimportant life. i'm just a shadow in others' perfect lives. i never linger long in their thoughts. i'm too boring. i just took a tour around blogspot and found that almost everyone has someone to confide in, to share their deepest secrets to sleep over with to cry with to hug when you cry to even TALK. i don't really have a best friend cos best friends are supposed to really know you and love you for who you are but in the first place i probably don't even have a friend who won't forget me in a crowd. except for a few exceptions, maybe. kelley, janelle, yeah, that's about it. i'm diaphanous, invisible, et cetera. face it--well, i already have--no one really knows me. i'm just a shadow of a happy girl, moving in and out of people's lives. i'm forgotten. always have been, and always will be.

Pissed off

2008-03-17T22:00:00.002+08:00

As you can tell, I'm super pissed now. Did you read the papers about THAT? I'm like, super pissed with that guy because

1) He absolutely DID NOT "run forward and catch the boy, trying desperately to hold him so his head would not hit the steps" and his wife definitely DID NOT "grab the rope and shout repeatedly for everyone to stop pulling". In fact, what happened was he simply went up to the teacher and shouted "I PREDICTED SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. THIS IS DAMN STUPID!". To write that he did is a lying. In fact, to even write to the papers is too much. It's fine to complain to the school; it's understandable. But to the papers? And revealing the school and cca name? That, I say, is overboard. JQ's not even his son. And that leads us to our next point.

2)His son is in AHBand. To write to the papers, he is practically saying that he wants his son to be affected. The reputation of AHS would go down and along with it, Concert Band's. It could have happened in any camp, any cca, any game. But we have to take the blame for something that isn't really anybody's fault.

3) In the article he also says that "the supervisory complacency and lack of propriety suggest and accident, or incident, waiting to happen". What he did not state is that we had already been told to stay in our groups and inform someone if we were to go anywhere. Any missing people is not the fault of the band. We had also been told over and over to walk in a group if we were walking home or wait with friends if we were waiting for our parents to pick us up. Our group leaders also made sure we were safely home. You see, Concert Band is not actually as irresponsible. In fact, most of the mentoring and activities are done by the seniors. Secondary school is different from primary school. Oh, and I don't see how propriety fits into that context.

Malaysia, Truly Asia

2008-03-14T20:14:00.002+08:00

Thursday:
Went to Malaysia. At the Singapore customs my parents and I had to go and scan our thumb prints. Damn stupid, as if I could be Mas Selamat. But I'm taller than him. LOL RANDOM! Only by 1 or 2 cm. But still taller. Shortyyyy! I thought the customs officer looked like him. Maybe they should scan His thumb print. If you asked me, he probably swam to Malaysia or Indonesia, and here they are, scanning female thumb prints like imbeciles.

Jolin went for St. John's camp. Chan Yeh's in St John's too. RANDOM! Went to Chor Kee for dinner. Love the fish. Random! When we got back Chan Yeh and I played The Billionaire, which is the Malaysian version of Monopoly. He earned a lot of money from TV3, which I never could help landing on. I can't believe he's so lucky. I feel like squishing the die. I made it okay. 'Cos we couldn't find the die(dice). Whatever.

Friday(Today):
Woke up and continued playing the Billionaire, hoping that my luck would've changed overnight, but it didn't. Obviously I lost. Ate my favourite Hakka mincemeat noodles for lunch=). Went shopping after that. First we went to Rhythm and bought some violin stuff. Then we went to Carre Four and bought a shirt dress and I got a hideous haircut. At first it looked hideous but then I changed my parting and Voila! I think I look kinda punkish but everyone says I look pretty. I'll just have to wait till Sunday, when I go to church and everyone gets the shock of their lives. I hope He thinks it's nice. Or I'll never show my face in public again. At least not until my hair grows back. How would I know whether He likes it or not, anyway? It's hard to find out how people really think nowadays. Or is it? Sometimes what you see is what you get.

Band Camp!

2008-03-11T21:40:00.003+08:00

Day 1(Monday):
Drills. Are Tiring. My whole body aches including my stomach and I don't even know why my stomach aches. Muscle aches, that is. Next came group interaction. My group called ourselves the ChiPadis! Our cheer was

We are the Chillies,
We're hot,
We can't be stopped;
We are the Padis,
We're La,
We burn you all;
We're the ChiPadis!
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Yong Quan did the hot chick thing while we went SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. LoL.

Then it was lunch! We did the Hungry Cheer. The meat was spicy and my mouth was burning.

Then we had prac. Sec 1s had to shift benches from the canteen to the concourse. Mr Chua took the sec 1s and Mrs Chua took the sec 2-3-4s. After that we 'prac'-ed by ourselves. We didn't actually practice. Jun Qing taught the boys the diamond push-up and I acted as the squad leader. They took a long time to fall in so I made them do...a lot of diamonds but only Jun Qing did it. He's so guai, unlike the others. We played Janice Says and I made them lift their right leg and then lift their left leg and Jun Qing sat down and lifted both his feet in the air. So smart. Not that I like him THAT way, although it may sound as if I do.

Station games!
We got wet at the first station. We played spiderweb while the station master sprayed water at us. The water was COLD! BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Second was at the fitness corner. We jumped from...somewhere to somewhere holding hands crossed. then we duck walked through some...stuff still holding hands. Then we had to climb through a spiderweb. Not a real one, at least. Then five of us (including me) had to stand on five platforms and hold hands and walk so that The first and last people would change places. Here's the catch--you can't have 3 feet on any platform at anytime. But we did it anyway. :) Yong Quan did a pole dance to get a bonus and the station master videoed it! LOL!

In between 2nd and 3rd was another station because our second station was too short. We had to pass a can of milo full of water from one end of the netball court to the other without using our hands. Then we had to hold hands and duckwalk.

3rd station: Pump 3 for a chance to throw 3 balls into the bucket. Get 75 points to move on to next station.

4th station: 5 star jumps to send 1 person up and look at...something. every minute that person is up there ?? star jumps. every wrong answer 15 star jumps. My legs hurt.
5th station : 50 jumping jacks. crawl under tables blind-folded. pass containers of water over your head from 1 bucket to the other. In the end we passed the whole bucket.

After dinner was mass tug-of-war. Brasses and percs against Woodwinds. Jun Qing fell down the stairs. I feel kinda bad cos I'm in woodwinds and he's in brasses. But can't blame us. We couldn't see what happened. accidents are inevitable in mass activities as this. Some parent saw and complained. I only heard "I KNEW SOMETHING LIKE THIS WOULD HAPPEN THIS IS DAMN STUPID!" He was damn pissed off lah. I feel kinda bad for the sec 4s cos they planned the camp.

Walked home with some other people and Vanessa made me go home with Leonard cos we stay in the same block and the others said don't scandal lah. lol. I felt so paiseh going home with a boy.

Day 2:
Band prac first thing in the morning. sec 1s didn't have to prac cos we had theory lessons. That's slacking lessons for me. I was doodling on the paper the whole time. I feel bad for wasting Kenny's paper. He's so nice. Haha Random. Ying Zhi draws crotchets likeI wonder how she draws her minims. RANDOM!

Then we had drills. I got See Mui again :]. She's the most lenient. Brendan is like, uber nefarious. He was the timer and he kept changing the timing. See Mui was laughing. But better than me. I have low confidence. If you think confidence is not important, try shouting with lots of people around you. Fine I know you have lots of aplomb but I don't, okay?

Then we had 食字路口. Our starting dish was roti prata. We were the first to get there so we'll probably win the prize for the fastest group. Ending dish was Tang Yuan. Our group split in half so that my half ate the second last dish (kuay teow soup) while the others ate the tang yuan. I like tang yuan but I was ravenous at that time and suddenly the Kuay Teow Soup was delicious. Th other group taking 14 reached slightly later than us but they had not eaten the last dish yet. Yong Quan lied that they had not eaten the tang yuan yet so they thought they would win. At the wan li chang cheng we saw another group and we thought they were also going back and we ran like siao but turned out they were heading for 85. lol.

We played a lot of games like 7-up and Whacko and zhong ji mi ma while waiting for the last group, which turned out to have gone to suntec. Forfeit? Eat Biscuits! It's not really a forfeit until you accumulate them like siao. lol. Dinner was Macs. Poor Mrs Lam, she had to watch us eat and she hadn't taken her dinner. Night games were canceled because of the terrible weather. Not exactly canceled. Postponed, more like. I waited for daddy to come because I didn't want to go home in drenched shoes and socks. He didn't bring my slippers so he gave me Asaph's. Man he has BIG FEET! My legs still hurt. and my stomach and arms too. For some reason.

P.S. VP is checking for unauthorised lockers, so get those books out! Pass the message.